The second chapter of my life. I never thought about this and it began when I hadn't finished the previous one. I was trying to get over the pain. I had almost gotten out of my shelf. I was getting used to my surrounding. I was trying to be more human.
I was introduced to my future husband. He was perfect. He was my dad's friend's son. He was polite. He was gentle. He was everything that any girl would want her right man to be. But I wasn't still ready to leave my past. I wasn't still ready to give love second chance. My heart was in pieces. How was I going to believe in love again?
I didn't expect our weekend getaway to be chance for my family to discuss about the prospective alliances. So when I was alone with my mum, we argued on this issue, " Why didn't you ask me about this before deciding about my marriage?" "Well! We haven't still decided anything else. We are not going to force you into marriage. But before you decide, why don't you at least spend time with him?", my mum said. "How can I decide within few meetings? I am still not ready for this. I don't know him well.", I said. " Meet him first. Decide later.", she said.
I couldn't argue more. I met him. He seemed good. I agreed for the marriage without even thinking whether I was really ready for love. Why? I have no answer. I feel guilty for rushing in things and taking hasty decision. We were married within few months.
Everything seemed smooth during the first few months before wedding. He seemed to be in love with me. But I still felt incomplete... something was missing. I couldn't love him the way I used to love my first love. My husband was better than any man I had ever loved. But I wasn't still able to completely give myself to him.
Love was missing in our relationship. After two and half years, we are still standing at the same place as strangers. Nothing changed between us. We were strangers to each others while a couple to outside world.
(To be continued)
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