A second chance ? - Part 6

I still carried my past. I couldn't accept anything. His family or him. Every time I tried, I failed. Love never happened to me because I was never out of love with my past. I always compared my past with my present. Maybe I was never in present. I longed for my past.

My husband loved me. He did everything possible only to get my attention and love. But I couldn't change. Love just didn't happen. My heart was still beating for that boy who broke my heart. Why? Why couldn't I simply move on?  Why did I long for that boy to come back?  

After two and half years, my husband stopped trying. He still loved me. But he was disappointed. I couldn't give him anything. The only thing I gave him was pain. He had waited so long for me to change.  His patience wore out but his hope never died. He still hoped that I would give him one more chance to show me love.

I was cold. I had no love to give except for my first love. Whatever my husband did, I couldn't express my gratitude for it. I never felt happy with whatever he did for me. My complaints turned into nagging with every passing day. We were strangers who fought during time when we were together instead of making love. 

When he learnt about my past, he was mad. He would blame me sometimes about me ruining his life. I don't feel guilty. I feel sorry for him. I hurt him even though it wasn't his mistake. Strange! When love was waiting at my doorstep, I wasn't ready. 

They say second chances come once in blue moon. I was indeed fortunate to get one. But I was naive to not to believe in it.  Here I am , still unsure whether to take it or leave it. I want to go back to clean the mess I had done and accept my husband. But it is too late and I haven't confronted my insecurities yet. The bell rings. It is my husband, I know. The same drama would start again. I know I have to change and I need to begin somewhere to initiate this change. When is the question. I open the door and look at his brown eyes. I hesitate to begin my move. After few long minutes, I hug him and say, " I am sorry. Give me a second chance. Let's start again.

****  The End  *****