This shit called love -Part 17

He repeated those words again as I pretended as if I hadn't heard. I didn't care. I just wanted them to leave me alone with my shallow self. Nothing mattered to me than myself me now.

" I am not asking you to forgive me. I have betrayed your mother's as well as yours and Mahi. Forgiveness is good.  It heals your wounded hurt. Your mother and Mahi have forgiven me.", he continued.

I didn't reply. I was too proud to say anything. I am not Mahi or mum to forgive him. He has a made a mistake for which forgiveness is not a solution. But what he said was not relevant to what I felt now.

"Ok! You don't want to forgive. Don't forgive. But why are you hurting yourself? Do you think hurting yourself can suffice the pain caused to me? Yes! To an extent! Nevertheless I am leading my life with pain to see you lead your life like this. Live your life to the fullest.", he said.

"Please leave me alone!", I said. Those were the only words I managed to say the whole time. He left but mum begged me to change my mind. I didn't listen His words hit me like storm though I pretended that I didn't listen.

Live my life to the fullest! Well! Did Rajveer care about whether I had food or slept. I don't think so. If he had, he would have atleast come to see me. But he didn't. I cried while I thought this. He didn't even care if I am alive or not. He didn't even call to check whether I was fine. Was our friendship too weak to bear this pain?

(To be continued)

This shit called love - Part 16

Friendship is a bond that ties you with the one you care forever.  If it is mixed with other emotions, it loses its essence. Days had passed and there was no sign of him. I missed him so much.

I had never felt so lonely. The world seemed to be conspiring against me. Why? Why was God doing this to me? Why did he take away someone so special from me? Did he really exist? I doubt about it.

" Hey sweety, open the door. Look who has come.", my mum called me outside from the door. I opened the door instantly, thinking it was him. Unfortunately, it was my father and mum looking at me with a lot of concern.

I was about to close the door when dad stopped me. "Let me in!", he said. I didn't want to but I couldn't resist. I hated him for what he did to our family. "Won't you forgive your dad?", he said, following me inside my room.

"Please leave me alone, dad. I don't want to talk to you now.", I said coldly. There was a time when I looked upon me for smallest advices on life. There was a time when dad meant to me, a whole world.

"Don't forgive me! What I have done to your mum and us is shameful. But what you are doing to yourself is not correct. Why are you hurting yourself for someone else mistake?", he said. How did he know about us? I stared at him with shock and disbelief of what he just said.

(To be continued)

This shit called Love- part 15

Those words hit me badly. Tears of sorrow and broken heart started flowing. I didn't lose hope. " Please! Please don't say that. I love you.", I cried. " I don't see you in that way. You are my friend for Christ sake.", he said. 

I was crushed. "Then why did you make love to me?", I screamed. He looked at me in disgust. " I told you that night was a mistake. I am not ready for any commitments.", he said.

I slapped him hard. The colour of his face changed from yellow to red. "What the hell! ", he shouted. "I hate you, Rajveer. I thought you would be the last one to break my heart. But you .. went ahead of those who broke my heart.", I said. 

I walked out of his house and he didn't even stop me. That day, I realised that you come alone in this world and leave alone. I didn't even look at his face for one last time.

I didn't leave my room after that incident. Tears and sorrow became my best friend. My mum tried to persuade me to come down and spend time with the family. I didn't listen. The four walls of my room became the fortress for my broken heart.

He didn't call me. He didn't even tried to meet me. Mahi tried to break open the door. But her frail hands didn't support her. Everyone was worried about me except him. I knew love was trouble. Look what it had done. It made me lose the one I loved.

(To be continued)

This shit called Love- Part 14

I would jump at every ring of messages or call. Later when I would check it, I would see that it was not him. Crazy thoughts were eating my head. I couldn't think clearly.

What had happened to him ? Why didn't he message or call me? Was yesterday night a mistake? Why was he acting weird? He hadn't bothered to ask how I felt. 

Wait! Is he waiting for me to make the first move? How could I be so dumb! I never thought he would feel the same way as I did. At once I called him.

He didn't pick up. Maybe he was still asleep. I messaged him after some time. He didn't respond. This is strange. He always responds to my message within quarter seconds after my message. Was he fine?

I rushed to his house. I rang the bell like dozen times.  He called out some abuses while opening the door. He was startled to find me. "Baby, are you fine? I was thinking about you.", I said softly. I pushed him aside and walked inside. 

"I am fine." , he replied back. He followed me as I made myself comfortable on the sofa. "Well, yesterday's night was special for me...", I said but couldn't complete my sentence. "Yesterday's night was a mistake.", he said coldly. My heart sank into deep misery.

( To be continued)

This shit called Love- Part 13

The lust. The wild passion ruled us. He showed me love, care and affection. I didn't want this time to pass soon. I was enchanted by his charm. I didn't feel guilty for what I was doing.

He kissed me every part of my body. His kisses were small and soft. My body shuddered with his every touch. This shit called love never seemed so beautiful until few hours.

He made passionate love to me while I became a part of him. He explored my body until there was no new place he had not seen. He finally stopped and I was in exhilarating pain.

I smiled while I waited for his soft touch. But he was already asleep. I didn't wake him up. How could I? He looked so small and innocent when he slept. I got up and walked to the washroom. I cleaned myself though pain was still there .

I walked back of him and lay beside him. I stared at him for hours until sleep conquered me. Love is sweet. Love is special. Love wasn't shit after all. Sometimes it is best not to make judgements soon. 

When the sun rose and it's light woke us up, it had erased the wonderful thing we shared. Suddenly I became stranger to him. He didn't speak to me. Instead the silence had engulfed us. I walked out of his house with broken heart and low self esteem.

( To be continued)

This shit called Love - Part 12

Sleepless nights became part of my routine life. I had various opportunities to tell him about my feelings. Unfortunately my courage disappeared when I saw him.

Love made me weak and I was slowly distancing myself because of love.

"You seemed to be silent now a days. What happened? ", he asked. I wanted to scream that love is the problem.  But I simply nodded my head, making him believe that  I was normal.

He didn't believe. Thanks to my face that had truth written over. "Fine! Don't tell me !" , he said , leaving me alone. He stopped speaking to me for days until one fine day I received a message - I need you now!

I rushed to him. I found him drunk on the floor. We were at his home. " Can you stop drinking and be normal for once.", I said. " " Normal! How can I be normal when my friend .. life stops talking to me.", he said.

I looked down and tear droplets started bursting out. He got up and hugged me slowly. "I am sorry.", he said softly. " Tears make you look girly.", he laughed. I didn't reply anything and cried my heart out.

He cupped my face and bought it closer to mine. He kissed my tears and then my forehead. Later he touched my lips. When I opened it for him to explore my mouth, he bit my lips. I didn't realise when the kiss turned into wild hunger for love,

( To be continued )

This shit called Love - Part 11

Love! Oh god! No way! He is sugar candy and not a Prince Charming who would sweep me from my feet. I sat on my bed , pondering at how could I not control this hormone induced emotion while everyone slept peaceful.

It had become routine for me to wake up in middle of night, walk around the house and think about this shit. Love to me was senseless subject that I wanted to stay away .

It was normal day. We had spent first half of the day , goofing around the city. We got back to our adda , tired with little energy to do anything. As I bid him goodbye, he stopped me for a drink.

 We sat on the floor with the movie " Friends with benefits" playing. It was his seventh beer bottle when he said, " I wish I could be friends with benefits with someone. Then relationship wouldn't be so complicated."

I looked at him with gleaming eyes. I didn't want this friends with benefits with him. But somewhere in my heart, I wanted him to hold me with care and affection though it wasn't going to be real,

I got up and told him goodbye. He didn't want me to go. But I couldn't sit there for even a minute due to my emotions bursting out. I reached home where sleepless night greeted me. If I stayed longer , my foolish emotions would weaken my thoughts.

( To be continued)

This shit called Love - Part 10

We became normal again. We ended up doing craziest things till wee hours of the day. The cracks in our relationship soon dissolved. Our friendship was strong and only time could measure the strength of our friendship.

I thought it had ended. But this was only the beginning. I felt strange that I still longed for him to kiss me or touch me the way he did that day. I rebuffed those thoughts many times but they appeared in my mind many times. 

If this was not enough, I felt jealous when he spoke about other girls. I wished he saw me the way he saw his ex girl friend.

Whenever he held me, I shivered. I had never felt this way ever. 

What was happening to me? Why was I becoming like other girls? I  was never so soft or sensitive. Gosh! I felt like Mahi!

I let him have his way and I never did that!

It had been six months since I felt this way. Soft romantic songs became meaningful to me. I always stayed away from this. But now it seemed like as if something was stolen from me.

One blue morning , I realised what had happened to me. All these changes that happened over this few months was nothing but love. A series of mixed emotions hit my heart, soul and mind. "Don't tell me , you are in love!", I wondered. 

( To be continued)

This shit called Love- Part 9

This was a surprise. A kiss! I didn't know how to react. I wanted to release myself from his tight grip. But it was strange! I was enjoying it. While he explored every possible areas of my mouth, I became numb.

When he was done, I rushed for the door. I didn't look back. I ran towards home. I didn't even say our regular goodbyes. This was crazy. The whole night I thought about all the reasons of why he kissed me. Did he have crush on me? 

How could that be possible. He was ditched few days back. We had trashed his ex girlfriend few hours back. My head ached due to too much of pondering . I left the issue. However I didn't meet him for few days. 

I was throwing my tantrums on Mahi and mum. It was wrong on part of me to display my anger on those who weren't the cause of it. He did call me million times. But I ignored it. It took me few days to settle down. 

One fine day ( a week after that incident) I walked into our adda and found him with his guitar and bottle of beer. " Why didn't you see me?", I asked. "What! You stopped taking my calls and you had asked your guard to not let me into your house. Instead of you feeling sorry, you are barking at me.", he replied. 

I never say sorry even if it is my mistake. Instead I force others to say sorry. It sounds weird but it's a fact. " Why should I ? You owe me apology for kissing me?", I protested. " LOL! You never let me say! Ok fine! I am sorry.", he said. "It's not proper. Say it like you mean it!", I said. "Whatever!", he said and left the room. After few mins, he came in and said, " I am sorry. Please can we be friends again."

( To be continued)

This shit called Love- part 8

"Are you fine?", he asked. I nodded with a wink while I cleared my face from dust and dried leaves. "Let me help you ", he said , trying to help me. But I didn't let him.

As we headed towards our usual adda, he  said," You are so adamant! You think riding a bike is child play. It is better for you to listen to people sometimes." I smiled and playfully hit his shoulders.

" Don't start again! You look boring when you give lectures. You should loosen up a bit.", I said. Our adda was small non functional video library that his dad had set up long time ago. The business didn't go well but luck turned gold for his dad and made him top notch director.

The library looked decent and clean from outside. However it was contrast to clean from inside. The broken shelves contained his collections of notorious magazines and videos. The paints of the wall had started to fade. The windows and glass doors of the library were covered with dark papers that hid us from the outside world.

We fell on the grounds like tired bunch of soldiers as we went inside. We cracked jokes at each other. We listened to crazy music playing out from the stereo ( the only new thing in his place). We did all the crazy things that we never thought of during the daylight. 

The day was coming to end and I felt happy that it came to a good end. "What would I do without you!", he said. I smiled and hugged him. As I started to walk towards the door, he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him. After few minutes , he kissed me deeply. I stood shocked .

( To be continued)

This shit called love - Part 7

I have been like this since the betrayal of my father. While the world turned a blind eye to his miscreants, I didn't forgive him for having another family other than us. 

Mahi was too young to understand what was going. However I pretended as if I didn't know what was going on. Maybe that's why I became a great actress. 

So Rajveer became my family and my so called family became strangers. I don't blame them for ignoring me. I blame us for not doing anything to reduce the distance between us.

"What are you thinking?", Rajveer asked , distracting me from the thoughts about family and love. "Nothing! I thought I would ride the bike today for a change.", I said.

He gave me a weird look. "What! Are you serious?", he said. Before he could react, I had taken his keys and already started the engine. He had no other options but only sit behind me. 

As he sat, I tried to balance the vehicle. After few minutes, we started my crazy fetish of coming up with things. We hadn't crossed even few centimeters, we fell miserably from the bike. Fortunately, the injuries from the fall was not serious.

( To be continued)

This shit called love- Part 6

It was true that I had two sided personality. But I only showed my true colours to Rajveer. Why? I felt free with him while I felt I was being judged by people around me when I was with anyone else.

I sipped the cold coffee while he started pouring his sorrowful stories. I didn't listen. It wasn't that I didn't care . But he never stopped talking about her. " So what do you think?", he asked.

I had only listened to that question while I had ignored the rest of the part. "What?", I asked. " What do you mean what?  I told you everything and wait.. Did you listen to what I said?", he said 

I smiled sheepishly. I squeezed his bony cheeks and he shrieked , "owww! Stop that!" "You want me to say something!", I said. " Dump her in the garbage!  She is not worth thinking about.", I added.

He stared at me with irritated look. " How can you be so cold and unattached? Don't you feel any pain or remorse?", he asked. 

I smiled and said," No! Only weak hearted feel those. I don't care about this shit called love. So forget about her and move on. You will get many chicks."

( To be continued)

This shit called love- Part 5

I was in very bad state. My dress was soiled and torn a bit. I definitely couldn't go home like this. " Hey, You look shit! What do we do now?", he asked. " Sugar candy, why worry when I can do this!" I said. 

I took my dress out slowly. First, I took the salwar out, showing out my cropped top. Later I dropped my kameez which had been covered my toned legs for long time. 

Fortunately no one was there to witness the show except Sugar candy a.k.a Rajveer. Rajveer has been my soul friend since our nursery years. I was three when I first met him. 

I still remember that day when some kid had snatched his tiffin. I walked towards the kid and hit him bad. I got his tiffin back as well as remarks from my teacher to mum. 

I became his guardian after that incident. He had family who were never with him. They always seemed to be scattered due to their work and lifestyle. He never missed his family though I know that deep in his heart , he always wanted to go back home where there was someone who was waiting for.

He looked every corner to see if there was onlookers. " You are mad! What if someone was enjoying the show?", he asked. " Let them, sugar candy!  I have great body to flaunt.", I replied cooly. He nodded his head and said, " No one can ever understand you! You are a girl with two sided personalities." 

(To be continued )

This shit called Love- Part 4

He smiled sheepishly. He did the same things that I did few minutes back. He took tiny stones from the road and threw them at her car. This happened until she arrived. She looked perfect even when she was burning with fury.

"Hey what the hell do you think you are doing? , she asked. " The same thing that you did to his heart. ", I replied back on behalf of him. " I am not talking to you, lady. I will do anything I want. Who are you  to tell me that I am wrong?  ", she said with sarcastic tone. 

I had disliked her from the time she had come into his life. Now she had hit the hard spot. I walked towards her and pushed her lightly. She didn't like it. She pushed me back which turned into cat fight.

We started pulling each other's hair and making scratches on our face. We also used cuss words at each other. Now the fight was between her and me while he became meer spectator. He tried to break in. Unfortunately his bony personality was a disadvantage. We pushed him aside.

Our fight became spectator's entertainment. Some smiled, some took videos of us from their cellphones  and some made comments at our immature behavior. We stopped when we were tired. But our verbal abuses continued until he dragged me from there. 

"You are like ball of fire when you are angry. It was like she had dumped you and not me.", he laughed. " Ha ha! Laugh ! Laugh as much you want. But she needed it.", I said. He gave me a bear hug which cooled the fury within me. It was true. I couldn't take it if someone tried to hurt him. 

( To be continued)