This shit called love -Part 17

He repeated those words again as I pretended as if I hadn't heard. I didn't care. I just wanted them to leave me alone with my shallow self. Nothing mattered to me than myself me now.

" I am not asking you to forgive me. I have betrayed your mother's as well as yours and Mahi. Forgiveness is good.  It heals your wounded hurt. Your mother and Mahi have forgiven me.", he continued.

I didn't reply. I was too proud to say anything. I am not Mahi or mum to forgive him. He has a made a mistake for which forgiveness is not a solution. But what he said was not relevant to what I felt now.

"Ok! You don't want to forgive. Don't forgive. But why are you hurting yourself? Do you think hurting yourself can suffice the pain caused to me? Yes! To an extent! Nevertheless I am leading my life with pain to see you lead your life like this. Live your life to the fullest.", he said.

"Please leave me alone!", I said. Those were the only words I managed to say the whole time. He left but mum begged me to change my mind. I didn't listen His words hit me like storm though I pretended that I didn't listen.

Live my life to the fullest! Well! Did Rajveer care about whether I had food or slept. I don't think so. If he had, he would have atleast come to see me. But he didn't. I cried while I thought this. He didn't even care if I am alive or not. He didn't even call to check whether I was fine. Was our friendship too weak to bear this pain?

(To be continued)

This shit called love - Part 16

Friendship is a bond that ties you with the one you care forever.  If it is mixed with other emotions, it loses its essence. Days had passed and there was no sign of him. I missed him so much.

I had never felt so lonely. The world seemed to be conspiring against me. Why? Why was God doing this to me? Why did he take away someone so special from me? Did he really exist? I doubt about it.

" Hey sweety, open the door. Look who has come.", my mum called me outside from the door. I opened the door instantly, thinking it was him. Unfortunately, it was my father and mum looking at me with a lot of concern.

I was about to close the door when dad stopped me. "Let me in!", he said. I didn't want to but I couldn't resist. I hated him for what he did to our family. "Won't you forgive your dad?", he said, following me inside my room.

"Please leave me alone, dad. I don't want to talk to you now.", I said coldly. There was a time when I looked upon me for smallest advices on life. There was a time when dad meant to me, a whole world.

"Don't forgive me! What I have done to your mum and us is shameful. But what you are doing to yourself is not correct. Why are you hurting yourself for someone else mistake?", he said. How did he know about us? I stared at him with shock and disbelief of what he just said.

(To be continued)

This shit called Love- part 15

Those words hit me badly. Tears of sorrow and broken heart started flowing. I didn't lose hope. " Please! Please don't say that. I love you.", I cried. " I don't see you in that way. You are my friend for Christ sake.", he said. 

I was crushed. "Then why did you make love to me?", I screamed. He looked at me in disgust. " I told you that night was a mistake. I am not ready for any commitments.", he said.

I slapped him hard. The colour of his face changed from yellow to red. "What the hell! ", he shouted. "I hate you, Rajveer. I thought you would be the last one to break my heart. But you .. went ahead of those who broke my heart.", I said. 

I walked out of his house and he didn't even stop me. That day, I realised that you come alone in this world and leave alone. I didn't even look at his face for one last time.

I didn't leave my room after that incident. Tears and sorrow became my best friend. My mum tried to persuade me to come down and spend time with the family. I didn't listen. The four walls of my room became the fortress for my broken heart.

He didn't call me. He didn't even tried to meet me. Mahi tried to break open the door. But her frail hands didn't support her. Everyone was worried about me except him. I knew love was trouble. Look what it had done. It made me lose the one I loved.

(To be continued)

This shit called Love- Part 14

I would jump at every ring of messages or call. Later when I would check it, I would see that it was not him. Crazy thoughts were eating my head. I couldn't think clearly.

What had happened to him ? Why didn't he message or call me? Was yesterday night a mistake? Why was he acting weird? He hadn't bothered to ask how I felt. 

Wait! Is he waiting for me to make the first move? How could I be so dumb! I never thought he would feel the same way as I did. At once I called him.

He didn't pick up. Maybe he was still asleep. I messaged him after some time. He didn't respond. This is strange. He always responds to my message within quarter seconds after my message. Was he fine?

I rushed to his house. I rang the bell like dozen times.  He called out some abuses while opening the door. He was startled to find me. "Baby, are you fine? I was thinking about you.", I said softly. I pushed him aside and walked inside. 

"I am fine." , he replied back. He followed me as I made myself comfortable on the sofa. "Well, yesterday's night was special for me...", I said but couldn't complete my sentence. "Yesterday's night was a mistake.", he said coldly. My heart sank into deep misery.

( To be continued)

This shit called Love- Part 13

The lust. The wild passion ruled us. He showed me love, care and affection. I didn't want this time to pass soon. I was enchanted by his charm. I didn't feel guilty for what I was doing.

He kissed me every part of my body. His kisses were small and soft. My body shuddered with his every touch. This shit called love never seemed so beautiful until few hours.

He made passionate love to me while I became a part of him. He explored my body until there was no new place he had not seen. He finally stopped and I was in exhilarating pain.

I smiled while I waited for his soft touch. But he was already asleep. I didn't wake him up. How could I? He looked so small and innocent when he slept. I got up and walked to the washroom. I cleaned myself though pain was still there .

I walked back of him and lay beside him. I stared at him for hours until sleep conquered me. Love is sweet. Love is special. Love wasn't shit after all. Sometimes it is best not to make judgements soon. 

When the sun rose and it's light woke us up, it had erased the wonderful thing we shared. Suddenly I became stranger to him. He didn't speak to me. Instead the silence had engulfed us. I walked out of his house with broken heart and low self esteem.

( To be continued)

This shit called Love - Part 12

Sleepless nights became part of my routine life. I had various opportunities to tell him about my feelings. Unfortunately my courage disappeared when I saw him.

Love made me weak and I was slowly distancing myself because of love.

"You seemed to be silent now a days. What happened? ", he asked. I wanted to scream that love is the problem.  But I simply nodded my head, making him believe that  I was normal.

He didn't believe. Thanks to my face that had truth written over. "Fine! Don't tell me !" , he said , leaving me alone. He stopped speaking to me for days until one fine day I received a message - I need you now!

I rushed to him. I found him drunk on the floor. We were at his home. " Can you stop drinking and be normal for once.", I said. " " Normal! How can I be normal when my friend .. life stops talking to me.", he said.

I looked down and tear droplets started bursting out. He got up and hugged me slowly. "I am sorry.", he said softly. " Tears make you look girly.", he laughed. I didn't reply anything and cried my heart out.

He cupped my face and bought it closer to mine. He kissed my tears and then my forehead. Later he touched my lips. When I opened it for him to explore my mouth, he bit my lips. I didn't realise when the kiss turned into wild hunger for love,

( To be continued )

This shit called Love - Part 11

Love! Oh god! No way! He is sugar candy and not a Prince Charming who would sweep me from my feet. I sat on my bed , pondering at how could I not control this hormone induced emotion while everyone slept peaceful.

It had become routine for me to wake up in middle of night, walk around the house and think about this shit. Love to me was senseless subject that I wanted to stay away .

It was normal day. We had spent first half of the day , goofing around the city. We got back to our adda , tired with little energy to do anything. As I bid him goodbye, he stopped me for a drink.

 We sat on the floor with the movie " Friends with benefits" playing. It was his seventh beer bottle when he said, " I wish I could be friends with benefits with someone. Then relationship wouldn't be so complicated."

I looked at him with gleaming eyes. I didn't want this friends with benefits with him. But somewhere in my heart, I wanted him to hold me with care and affection though it wasn't going to be real,

I got up and told him goodbye. He didn't want me to go. But I couldn't sit there for even a minute due to my emotions bursting out. I reached home where sleepless night greeted me. If I stayed longer , my foolish emotions would weaken my thoughts.

( To be continued)