Bed of Roses - Part 2

Problems! Everyone has all sorts of problems. We crib. We get frustrated. We lose hope. We do many things unnecessary and not related to us. We isolate ourselves from the problem but circumstances make us to think over it and find solution. Like everyone, I kept myself inclined to negative thoughts and hopelessness until I found the clue to my puzzle.

The idea struck me when I was watching a movie "Sweet November". It didn't seem similar to my situation. The herione was dying but she left her love only to keep him thinking about happy memories. Well! I certainly wasn't dying. I had no happy memories with him except the one we shared with him. But I wanted to give him something that he could cherish us for years. If this works,he wouldn't complain

I fought against my inner self to come to a conclusion- I was going to find my husband's dream girl. I wasn't going to heaven soon. I was only going to erase my name, presence and memories out of his life. I am sure he will be happy with me gone. Anyway I was a burden to him. He will be relieved from me.

I cried thinking about it. It isn't easy to erase yourself from your love's life. It isn't easy to let your loved one go. It isn't easy at all. I still love him though he doesn't love me anymore. I still can't stay without him though he  can be sometimes pain.

It was toughest decision of my life. I had to make it. I had no choice. I had to free him from such fruitless relationship. I started implementing my plan. The first few days was too difficult. As I developed the plan, I would end up breaking down.

However I would calm my nerves and get back to my plan. I was going to list down the type of girl my husband thought was desirable. I would start searching girls who met those qualities. When I found one , I would bring in situation that could bring them together. Later when everything was set, I would get my husband married.

(To be continued)

Bed of Roses- Part 1

What is love? Is it always so demanding and taxing? Maybe I was tied in relationship where I had to give more than I was expected. I had always believed that love made your life easy and beautiful. But I never knew that it would take everything... even the peace and happiness seemed lost in life that I chose for myself.


Did I choose in haste? I had chosen marriage over my desire. It was a union orchestrated by us and our parents only blessed us after we had convinced them that our union was made by God. Oh! I was too dumb to believe that our love was enough to keep us together. Dreadful things happens afterwards. There is always an pause between happiness and grief. 

I guess I was too naive to believe he would love me forever till we die. Marriage and love is different things. Love is only an ingredient to keep your marriage going. We were married for five years and still we didn't know each other well enough. Well! It is saying that love develops with years and you learn about someone over years. Unfortunately love was dying between us. There was something between us and we weren't able to find out that missing ingredient.

Maybe it was our difference in taste, lifestyle or desires. I was too simple for him. I didn't qualify anywhere he had desired about his dream girl. I accepted him as he was. I also tried to accept his way of leading life. I thought I had changed for him. Funny! He still mocked me for being the same old college sweetheart who had not grown up. He was miffed at whatever I did from cooking his favorite dish to handling the domestic life.

I.. I never complained for any of his shortcomings. I accepted him wholeheartedly. I didn't care if he was getting grey hair and never bothered to shave his prickly beard. I never complained about him not helping me to do chores after I came home from work. I stayed quiet only because he fulfilled my materialistic needs and stood up for me when others raised their finger at me.

As I thought all this, I didn't see that my coffee had gone cold. However I sipped my coffee. It was tasteless. I spit it out , tainting the crossword puzzle I was solving. "What are you thinking so much?", my sister asked. She had come down to my place for the weekend. " Nothing!", I lied. No one knew or will know what I was going through. I was going to find the solution to this very soon.

(To be continued)

The Best (WO)man- Part 17

I turned my face towards where the voice was coming. I also turned my face just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I saw Augustus and Nikki smiling at me. Nikki had restless Buddy in her arms. Wait! She had the dog she had sold out? How was this possible? I looked at her surprised.

Well! I looked at both of them with shock and bewilderment. I prayed that this was not one of God's damn tricks of showing me heavenly dreams. If it was, he would see my terrible wrath lashing out at this poor world.

Augustus clicked his fingers at me. I was back to my senses. "Ah! You are real!", I said, jumping out of excitement. " Yes! We are real.", he said. There was moment of silence and then I broke in, " But you said that you won't ever see me." " Damn You! You know I was not in my senses. When you left, that's when I realized that I was wrong.. really wrong. I wanted to follow you that very day you left. But I had got tickets to come here only for today.. two weeks since you left.", he said

Tears welled up inside my eyes. I didn't want to cry but emotions never listens to anyone. " We are sorry.. I am sorry to always blame you for all the wrong situations.", Nikki intervened. "No.. Please.. I am sorry. I had never accepted you as my sister in law. I always thought you didn't deserve him."I said softly. Nikki hugged me, " You know what I personally bought Buddy as bribe to get you forgive me. I know you loved him so much.". She handed the puppy to me and wiped my tears.

" Come on kiddo! Let's forget and move on. Won't you forgive us?", he asked. I was embarrassed. I should be asking for forgiveness. I didn't even try to stay back and get them back together. I felt like slapping myself for letting them to say sorry when it was me who was supposed to say sorry." Please don't say sorry. I was wrong from the beginning.", I said. " No darling! You did what every sweet sister would do for their brother. Now stop repenting. What you did was purely love for me and don't stop loving me.", Augustus said, brushing my hair.

I cried. After a lot of cuddling and convincing from both, I kissed my past goodbye and promised to start anew. "So will you be my best man... ahem.. woman for my wedding. The post is still open.", he said. I stared at him and then looked at Nikki.  " What are you looking at? Say yes! I am not going to stop you.",  Nikki said animatedly. I smiled at last and nodded my head.

                                 ******  The End ******

The Best (WO)man- Part 16

I reached home with heavy heart.  I was spending most of my time at my den in isolation. I refused to let anyone inside my room. Mum was worried. She had never seen me in state of helplessness and desperation. I was lost in world of despair.

Things were going normally around me. People who called themselves my friends resumed to their normal activities after they lost hope of bringing me back. However mum didn't stop. She would enter my room without heeding the warning sign that read- Don't step in, sleeping monster. And monster in me would constantly fight against her for getting out.

I was abnormal. I couldn't get out of grief or depression. I loathed myself for being immature.. for breaking a nest that was built with lot of love. How could I do this? Every time I thought about it, I repented on what I did. I would scold myself for doing it.

Everyone tried to cheer me up. But my heart was too shallow to feel happy again. I couldn't forgive myself for what I did. I was angry and sad. No one could make me normal again.

The day of redemption had arrived. It was a normal day for me. I was in my room, repenting as usual. I was in my own world of self destruction. I wished that I could replay those moments again and change it forever. But time doesn't belong to us, it is free spirit creating moments good and bad. 

I heard mum calling my name. I thought I was dreaming when I heard soft taps on my room. I didn't bother to open the door as I assumed that it was mum who was calling me for dinner. I had no appetite for food now and ever. "Kiddo! Wake up!", a voice called. It was the voice I had been waiting to hear so long. "Aren't you out of this jet leg thing? I am surprised that it has been a month and you are not over it.", a  satirical tone said and I realized who it was. But it didn't irritate me.

(To be continued)

The Best (WO)man- Part 15b

He didn't speak to me. It would always take few minutes for his temper to cool down. He was not someone who would ever get angry at someone. Even if he ever got angry at me, his heart melt in milliseconds. But this was unusual. He had kept himself in solitude. 

Whenever he saw me accidentally, he would turn his gaze at something else. He was ignoring me. This was his way of punishing me. I accepted it without even trying to cool him down. What right did I have when I was the one who wrecked his marriage? But I didn't like it. I couldn't take his cold behaviour. This punishment was like an torment to me. So I decided to leave. I packed my bag and booked tickets for the next flight

I felt guilty... a feeling that never left me since Nikki left him. My immatureness costed me lot. I lost my long time friend..my brother... a precious part of my soul. Now I felt very empty without him. I was boarding afternoon flight. It was right time when he would be busy at work and I would silently leave. I wasn't going to wish him goodbye.

It was sunny afternoon. There was no single cloud dancing in the sky. The traffic was too much for normal day like today. I hadn't expected. I had three hours though in my hand. I was spending it on the bustling traffic instead of cool indoors of the airport. High volume of the music from the iphone blared in my ears. However it didn't take me away from my problems.

I was still thinking about it. I had put a small note on the table. It read- I am sorry. I am leaving you forever from burden called me. The words still pained me whenever I remembered. What would have happened if I had told him that I was leaving? Would he leave me to the airport? Would he stop me? Maybe he would escort me without saying goodbye.

I reached the airport. Everything happened so quickly that I didn't have time to think. The customs and the depature .. everything happened too fast. I wanted to stay back. I wanted to tear my boarding pass and run away. But I didn't . I continued my journey to home. I wished that Augustus would call me back. He didn't come.I was disheartened.

(To be continued)

The Best (WO)man- Part 15

They were talking in whispers. Soon the calm conversation turned into commotion. I could see both of them pointing fingers at each other or raising them in thin air. Something was not going right. I decided against my consciousness to stay back.

Everyone were looking at our table at those two fighting. I had prayed that it shouldn't go bad. But I didn't expect it to go worse like this. Oh I wish I hadn't brought them here. God! What should I do now? I ran towards them. I had to take charge of this issue.

My heart was beating faster as I came closer to them. I gulped and searched for my voice. I was scared to highest point. I thought if they met face to face at least once , they would sort it out in a matured way. They were fighting here. They were blaming each other and bringing in more misunderstanding between themselves.

" Please Nikki, I am sick and tired of your drama.  Leave us alone. We have come here to enjoy dinner. Please don't spoil that.", he said. " What do you mean? You called me .. You called me so that we could sort out our issues.", she said, surprised and angry at the same time.  He looked confused. "I called you?", he asked. I stepped in before things go worse to worst. " I invited her.", I said softly looking down. 

Both were shocked. " How dare you? You sent me the mail as Augustus.  What don you want now?  Aren't you happy separating us?", she asked coldly.  I could see the rage in her eyes. I tried to ignore them. " I am sorry. I love my brother. I didn't feel you were the one that he should be spending his life. But I have realised my mistake and I know that you guys love each other. Your mail said it all. If you weren't , then you would be spending more time in finding a new love for yourself.", I said.

Augustus walked out on us. He was mad at me.. mad at her too. I excused myself and followed him. When I was too close, I grabbed his hand. I begged for forgiveness. He pulled his hand out of my grip. He didn't listen and scolded me, " I am ashamed of you. Don't .. Don't ask for anything. Leave me alone"  I felt the pain in his voice and wished that I hadn't  intervened in his life.

(To be continued)

The Best (WO)man- Part 14

Love is sweet and the wait is bitter. The wait can be for the positive response from your loved one or the wait can also be for meeting your loved one after long time. Well!! The wait can also be for reuniting two love birds. Hmm.. I have been waiting for over 180 seconds. However these seconds were like never ending hours. Oh! How long can anyone take to read an email?

God must have heard my loud moan. As soon as I finished crying loud, " How long can anyone take to read an email?", I heard 'ting' noise. It was the sound of the a mail that was dropped to my inbox. I quickly scanned it. Oh! it was from her.  I immediately read the contains of the mail. 

She had written that she will meet him. She had also mentioned how much she had missed him and wanted to give another chance to their relationship. I was happy and yelled loud. Suddenly he opened the door to see what was happening. I immediately logged out and opened my mailbox. 

"What happened?", he asked. " Nothing! I just won two coupons to RiverPark. You know I wanted to visit that place. Can we please... please.. pretty please go there?", I said. "No, my darling. Why don't you take one of your friends? I am not in mood of going anywhere.", he said which made my heart ache. I looked down without saying anything. He saw my red face. " Fine.. We will go.", he said , caressing my cheek. I was euphoric at once.

The truth behind those coupons was that I had not won any competition. I wanted to go to RiverPark because I had called her to meet him here. I prepared every tiny details to bring them together. Tomorrow I shall reunite these two and then only I would leave RiverPark after I had completed my mission. 

I took him to that place. He was dressed in casual black T shirt and blue jeans. I was in my daisy dress. As soon we reached, I looked around for her. She was nowhere to be found. We sat down for dinner. I ate half halfheartedly. It didn't take us long to finish her dinner. It was really quiet dinner. No one was in mood to speak anything until she arrived. I wanted to jump. But I made an excuse to use ladies room. I looked at our table while walking.  They met with sadness in their eyes.

(To be continued)