Consensual-part 15

I had already accepted his family as mine within a week . However I could not win his heart. He would hardly be there at home. In one week I had learnt so many things about him… the ones that I didn’t want to hear. Fun and friends were the only part of his life. The word responsibility was alien to him.

He would hang out with his friends from as early as sun rays touches the earth to the wee hours of the night. He was dependent on his dad’s wealth. He was reckless and would spend unnecessarily. I wish I could stop him. But then I never had any right to say that to him. I was never his wife. According to him, this marriage was null.

I hated when he would come home drunk and fall directly on the bed. I would help him with taking his shoes from his feet. Later I would tucked the blanket around him. Then I would make myself comfortable on the sofa. It had become my new bed. It was quite amazing that a woman like me who had slept in luxurious bed was so comfortable in sleeping in three seater sofa.

Every morning I would pray that he would wake up without hurting me with his mean tongue. Unfortunately I would face the brunt of his raging temper. He would taunt me for every possible mistake that I hadn’t done. But I didn’t lose hope and would try hard to impress him.

One fine morning I woke up early to clean his disorganized room. I dusted his desk and cupboard. I folded the dresses properly in his wardrobe and arranged the books in order. I mopped the room. It was spick and span within few hours. I walked to Ma’s room to see if she needed any help. We were in middle of an interesting conversation when all of sudden Praveen screamed out of my name. I ran to the room to see what he needed. My heart was beating with fear that what was going to say. “ What the hell did you do to my room? Who asked you to clean? You are not a freaking maid! Wait a minute ! ( He pressed his hand on his head ) You think this will impress me. God! How many times should I say this? YOU. ARE. NOTHING. TO . ME!”, he hurled at me.

He pulled out his favorite green shirt out of properly folded clothes, making them look disorganized. All my hours of organizing had gone wasted. I sat on his bed with tears bursting out of my eyes.

(To be continued)

Consensual-Part 14

I woke up with my head pounding. The cause of my headache was my sweetheart screaming out my name … not out of love and affection. “Shruti! Get your hand off from me.”, he said, pulling my hand away from him. I hadn’t noticed that my hand was on his chest. I moved my hand with embarrassment.

I quickly got up to face him though I didn't have heart to stand up. His eyes became smaller and the lines formed on the forehead. He was really angry. “ How dare you touch me? You may be wife to the people outside but to me you are just a pain. Don’t you ever touch me.”, he snapped. It pinched my heart although I was aware of the fact he would refuse the fact that I was his wife now.

I stood there for a while to get through the pain. I knew it would be difficult to stay without love from the person who I believed was my life. My soul had accepted him from the time I set my eyes on him. Every day from that day onwards , I had always hoped that one day he would realize my love. This hope still stays stronger with every passing day.

He walked out of the room leaving me alone to my sorrow. After few minutes of being numb, I regained myself back. I refreshed myself and headed towards the kitchen. My mother in law was already there. She had prepared most of the breakfast leaving me with nothing else to do except placing the food and plates on the dining table. I felt guilty for not waking up on time and meekly asked for forgiveness. She politely declined it and said, “ This is your first day at our house, dear. How can I let my beautiful daughter head the kitchen now?.”

“ No Aunty.. I mean Ma! I cannot let you work when I am here. It’s time for you to rest. You have considered me as your daughter and let your daughter assist you.”, I said softly. She hugged me with assurance that I was now a part of their family.

Everyone sat around the dining table. The breakfast was served on their plates. Everyone was there at the breakfast except him. I waited for him before Ma asked me to not to wait for him as he never had any meals with the family. I was sad and doubted my self. Was it because of  me that he was avoiding his family? Was it always going to be like this?

( To be continued)

Consensual-part 13

Wife! I was his wife now. My stomach revolted at the thought of being his wife. Every inch of me disapproved this very fact. Everyone wished us for the new beginning when we were being introduced as official husband and wife to the society in the formal ceremony.I was tired of giving fake smile to world assuring them I was very happy. I stared at him. He was definitely not good at pretending unlike me.

Ah! This was not what I wished for! I had so many dreams about my perfect wedding reception. I always dreamed of having a ballroom dancing at reception just like the one from the movies I used to watch. However my wish was going to remain as a wish forever. The first dance with my husband was only going to be an  imaginary vision.

The night continued with lot of ceremonies that the elders thought was necessary. We were dead tired with only brink of energy left in our body. The only thing that we needed was sleep…. only if that was possible.

We were sent to our room after long hours of rituals and godforsaken things in name of rituals. I wanted to get out of heavy jewelry and sari. Instead of changing, I sat on the bed due to exhaustion. As he freshened up, he stared at me for sometime and angrily took the pillows from the bed. He slept on the three seater sofa which was at the end of the room. His room was neither really big nor it was small. It would have looked spacious if the furniture didn't hinder the space. However I had to accept the room regardless how big or small it was. It was going to be my room for rest of my life if we continued to stay here.

I got ready for the night sleep. I took out the jewelry and wore silk night dress that my cousin thought was appropriate for tonight. Before switching off the lights, I took out large blanket from the bed and covered him. I looked at the way he had innocently curled up on the sofa though his lean body didn’t fit into the small sofa.

I kissed his forehead and sat down. I  wanted to spend the whole night staring at him while he slept well. However my eyes didn't let me stay awake.

(To be continued)

Consensual-Part 12

Marriage binds two persons together. But would it bind us together was big question. To bind two persons, they need to be in love. I was very much in love with him though he hated me.

As I was carried by my uncles to the mantap, I had serious intentions to run away. But those intentions disappeared as my heart was accepting the fate. The rituals began. I stood facing him though I couldn’t see him due to the white cloth that shielded him from my prying eyes. I wanted to see him. I wanted to know what he was going although I knew that he wanted to kill me for the sufferings.

The priest was vomiting out the sacred mantras that he had mugged up for twenty five years. I was engrossed in our thoughts and hardly understood what he spoke. My cousins standing behind me were discussing their plans to how to not make my groom put the garland first on me. It didn’t seem amusing to me. I didn’t care if he put it first. The only thing that concerned me right now was his feelings.

The shield was taken off between us. I could see him clearly at last! I was not happy at the sight. His eyes were red and intoxicated due to lack of sleep and alcohol. His hair was undone and he looked shabby and tired. It looked like as if he had rough night. It made me disgusted.

Who comes intoxicated at their wedding? I know he had been through a lot lately. I also blame myself for his plight. But this! I was so angry at him. I didn’t care what people thought about me. But it would hurt me if they spoke any ill about him or my family.

My cousins lifted me and we won the competition of ‘ who will put the garland first?’ It was obvious that bride team would win as it was impossible to lift an intoxicated person.

The rituals went on and we did as we were told. The wedding ceremony was ending with him inebriatedly tying the sacred necklace to me. I had officially become his wife.

( To be continued)

Consensual -part 11

Every girl dreams of a fairytale wedding. Even I had one where I am walking on the aisle that would lead me to the my destiny-my prince charming. He is looking at me with unconditional love and promise to make me his beloved for rest of his life.

But dream is a bed of fresh roses that fade during the dusk. Marriage had become a nightmare to me. Every morning I woke up with a fear that I was going to be tied with grief and pain. I had to accept them. The misery was going to be permanent scar on my life.

The celebrations at home was constant reminder of my future dreadful life. I was feeling bitter and cold most of the time. I tried to cheer myself by fully immersing into the activities. But the pain didn’t leave me. I would cry alone during nights when people were fast asleep.

Love had become poisonous to me. I would call him everyday with hope that he understood what I was going through. Well! We get to know the true nature of people during difficult times. He never picked up my call. He would either let it ring or disconnect the call. This would leave me miserable and lonely.

As days passed, I stopped calling him. I would try to find places where I could alone with my thoughts. But being alone is also a curse. I was in a situation where I couldn't share anything with anyone.

The day had arrived. Everything was running smoothly. I tried to look my best in the maroon wedding dress. I had every piece of jewellery on my body though I protested first when my mum put them on me. I was hating it. Why was I getting ready? Why do I need to look pretty? Anyway he would not look at me. Why would he want to in first place, look at the person who had turned his life upside down?

( To be continued)

Consensual-part 10

It hurts when you know the ending of your story is going to turn out sour. The person I wanted to lead my life with ,didn't want me. He was more than annoyed with me. My family was annoyed with me. Few of my friends pitied my conditions and other few of them mocked at me. Marriage became a nightmare that I wanted to get away from. But I couldn’t. Did I have any choice?  I had become slave of my emotions

Falling in love had become a sin for which I was paying huge. I wanted to rip my heart out and take that emotions out. I wanted to be cold. Unfortunately it was impossible task. Love has so many colours. One of them is blue and it is painful.

I thought our wedding was going to be small affair with us getting registered married. But it was other way round.  I had become used to unexpected happenings. Though family weren’t happy with sudden plans, but they got together. The house was in full swing of preparation for wedding. Everyone were busy with the wedding plan. There were few ceremonies that was going to take place before wedding. Elders made it mandatory to have all sorts of ceremonies. However after all the protests and discussions, they stuck with few events.

As official announcement to people, we were engaged in front of few people. It was quite solemn event. No one was really happy except few of them. His smile had disappeared from his face. I felt so guilty for taking away the brightness from his life. I wish I could do something to bring back that smile that had stolen my heart.

We exchanged rings. He put the ring onto my finger with bored expression or I could say as if he was forced. I didn’t let my tears out though I badly wanted. I wished I could free him. But I was bounded too into this fruitless relationship.Our families were too traditional to ask our opinion before binding us together.

I put the ring onto his finger too quick. I wanted to get over with soon. We were engaged in front of the people. But we were two separate individuals to each other with different needs in life. One small incident  had changed our lives with span of minutes. We had two weeks left for our wedding. I hoped that day never came.

(To be continued)

Consensual - part 9

I had to meet him. I had to know what was going on in his mind. What was he feeling right now? But how will I meet him? I was not allowed to go out. I could call him. But would he come?

I fought the urge to call him. As usual I lost. I called him through one of my maid's cell phone ( I had indiscreetly bribed her with one of my favorite vintage perfume).

I dialled his number hurriedly. I checked it twice to see if it was the right number. It was ringing. He hadn't picked up. After few rings, he picked it up. His voice from other side of the call calmed my heart.

"Hi! How are you? I am sorry about all this. I know how you must be feeling,..", I said but he didn't allow me to complete my sentence. " You don't understand anything about my feelings. So stop the crap! I was sweet to you and it was my mistake. You don't have to feel sorry.", he said, pinching my heart with his mean words.

"I am sorry! I didn't want to hurt you. I never intended for all this to happen.", I cried. "Your sorry cannot change anything. What happend has already happened. You crying for this is of no use.", he said. He was right. It was of no use crying.

"If you are done talking, can I leave? I have work to do. Bye!", he said and cut the call. I was left alone again with pain and grief. I had learnt something- this marriage was going to be a big disaster.

(To be continued)