Solitary Love- Part 20

He was bought in chains. He looked like true rebellion though he wasn't one. The situation that bought him in chains was an innocent feeling. It had been days since he hadn't written a poem. Only her images had stayed in his mind. He couldn't find words to express those feelings.

As he reached large ground where Jamedar and familar looking man stood with their back towards him. There were whispers of what was waiting for him . He pretended to be not affected by them. However questions prevailed in his mind about why Jamedar called him in chain and was his death sentence being ordered. Whatever it was, it didn't affect him. 

He looked at the familiar stranger standing with Jamedar. It was Willington. Willington and his eyes met. Anger and shock knocked the doors of their hearts. It took few minutes to come to his senses.It was time and Jamedar asked Willington to disclose the bitter truth.

"What was Willington doing here? What was he going to take this time from him?" , wondered Srinivasan. His heart questioned , "was she alright? Where was she?" He found the answers to the questions by himself ( Maybe she was sitting at the corner of her house. not wanting to witness him face to face.

Willington spoke words of her death in firm and cold voice. It was like as if he wasn't affected by her death or presence. The truth was out. Srinivasan heart was in piece. All this while he was living a life without purpose. He became numb. It was difficult for him to display anger or cry. What was left for him in this godforsaken earth? 

Everything was lost now. His precious part of life was gone. " What was he doing in this planet?", he wondered. Life without love was useless. He fell to the ground in despair. He was now in loss of words, emotions and the one he loved so much than his own life.

( To be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 19

The jamedar seized the plan. He stopped the guys from escaping. He sent his troops at once to block the inmates from fleeing. The prisoners weren't half way towards their goal when the troops of Jamedar started shooting on sight.

The two hundred men were angry, sad and frustrated. They had already lost many of their loyal friends. Azad was wounded severely. His followers wanted to kill disloyal guards and Jamedar. They didn't care about their wounds caused than their leader. Unfortunately Azad died within few hours after he was wounded severely. 

The jamedar tortuted them every day. He had the warders of each floor prepare the list of rebellions who had tried to break the code of law. He called each of them as per the list and tormented them. His method of torture
varied with every inmate. This happened for a month. It had become worse than hell. No one tried to attempt another escape after Azad's death. The rebellious strike seen amongst the inmates died with the death of Azad.

The inmates had lost the battle. Some committed suicide as they couldn't face the hell again. Some had lost the state of sanity. Some of them like Srinivasan had lost their senses ( both emotional and physical). He had become human being without soul.

Every time Jamedar belted him on his rear or ordered warder to starve him. Nothing affected him. Unlike other rebellions, he never protested or spoke roughly against British. After trial and errors,he came up with brilliant idea. He investigated his weakness and strengths where he realized that Srinivasan's strength was his weakness too. Jamedar learnt one fact that love could fill you as well as destroy you at same time.

This was not enough. He had called in Willington to break Srinivasan. Willington accepted his invitation after a lot of thinking about the advantages. He wanted to see Srinivasan's soul tear apart when truth was bought in front of him. 

(To be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 18

There were lot things to do. Escaping from kaala pani wasn't easy task. It was next to impossible. A fool proof plan was required to break from this solitary hell. The cellular jail was built wit bricks that could resist any revolutionary ideas. These ideas were created but it would be fuse out in this thick walled building.

Loopholes had to be found. Guards had to be bribed for better living than with money because freedom was more important to them than anything else. Unlike the others, Srinivasan was waiting to reunite with his love forever.

Once the plan was drawn , it was sent to all the inmates through the secret agents who were none other than the small time cooks and cleaners( they were inmates who had served higher life terms than the others). Every inmate of the cell had job to do. Many more were still joining.

Few days were left. Srinivasan was excited. He was going to meet her after a long time. Would they share those moments again? What would they speak? Would it be awkward moment to share? It had been long time since they had seen each other. Whatever it was going to be, he had to see her.

The inmates got ready to execute the plan . Everyone knew what they need to do.Two hundred sixty inmates were ready to break free from the torturous life. Most of them wanted to see their family again. Some of them wanted to see their mother land free from the foreign forces.

Everything went smoothly when a small error was missed. The warders were supposed to be drugged during their dinner. Unfortunately one of them had not eaten his food due to food poisoning. To add fuel to that, some of the guards backfired their plan and being loyal servants to the English, they had alerted the Jemidar. 

(To be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 17

He was spurned by what he said. He pushed the food away. How dare he speaks bad about his love? He is just an outsider. He has no right to make comments on Srinivasan life. The following days passed and he still couldn't forgive that stranger.

Days passed by and the memories of that incident faded in his mind. During the night of the full moon, a young man arrived. He was the same age as Srinivasan was except the fine lines across his forehead which made him look older than he was.

He saw the same stranger accompany him. He wasn't happy. At once he understood that these two men were here to change his mind. But he had already made his mind. He was never going to join them. He had no desire to live.

The young man apologized with folded hands and signaled his messenger to speak.The messenger started, " Let me introduce you to Azad."  Srinivasan recognised the great leader at once. He had heard about the great stories of his revolutionary strategies against the British. He had been gathering the young men from all over the country.He was surprised to see Azad. Azad was too young to fight against the British

"Join us and we will help you to win your love.",the messenger spoke. Srinivasan hadn't heard the rest part he spoke before he said this sentence It shook him from all sides. He was aghast. What was this guy telling? He was the one who pointed fingers at his love and now he was ready to help him. 

" What? Why do you need me? I have not fought a single war against the English. As per your terms, I have committed sin by loving one of them.", Srinivasan asked. " I am sorry for drawing a tainted picture of your love. We have seen you rise against these Englishmen for your love. We need people like you to  help us fight our cause. We promise that we will help you to get back your lost love. Our leader is known to keep up our promises."  Srinivasan agreed only because Azad promised to help him to get his love back. 

( To be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 16

One fine day he sat ,scribbling words on the wall with whatever he got ( even with small peice of fallen debris of the poorly made walls. He couldn't keep the words flowing in his mind for long. Unfortunately every year,the walls were white washed and the words he had written would vanish with every drop of the fresh paint on the wall.

It caught  the eyes of person who painted the wall. He didn't understand the language and as dutiful servant to the Englishman, he betrayed his Indian fellowman. He called the warden who read the words. He was quite impressed. However he didn't appreciate the unique gift of this ill fated inmate.

The warden punished him by burning his fingers. But it didn't stop him. He continued to write even after he was badly hurt. Every time the walls were white washed, he would be injured and he still wrote.The inmates of cellular jail got he news of this rebel poet. Though they were in solitary confinement, there were many ways of getting the news out.

Who was this rebel? Why did he write poems on an English lady when she was the main reason to be in this hell? He was indeed love blind. One day, he received an anonymous message from the person who served him his food. " Azadji has sent you message. He will help you out of this prison in one condition- join him in his mission- Azad Hind.", he said. 

" Why me? What use am I to your leader? I am not a rebel like him. I fell in love with English woman . Her men are your enemies. I don't care about Azad Hind. I have no purpose in life. My love is miles away from me. I don't know whether I will see her. Please go and tell Azadji, I don't want to join.", Srinivasan replied with folded hands.


" What! What did you get out of this love? You are here because of her. I know your story. Everyone knows. Don't you dream of Independent India. Look what she had done to you. She has trapped you, young man. Your life will be meaningless if you die for her.", he said , spurning his love

(To be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 15

He was put into solitary confinement Just the way Willington wanted. To Willington, Srinivasan was a disease who had infected his life and snatched something precious out of his life. If he had stopped the disease from the beginning, his wife would have been alive. He should have killed Srinivasan the first time he found him with his wife.

Love made Srinivasan sane. Love made him strong. Even the most painful strike of belt of the officers didn't affect him. His senses turned numb to any kind of pain or hurt. His heart only knew one emotion that was love.

Solitary became his best friend and pain became his weekend companion . When he was tired with solitariness, he would feel the pain of heartbreak, desperation and feeling of separation from true love. He had begun to love her. Now it had become unbearable without her. 

But he never stopped loving her for even single day. She became his goddess and he worshiped her with all heart. His poems were feelings spilling out from his heart. He related every part of his surrounding to her.

"The sea reminds me
of her eyes sparkling blue.
Her smile releases
the caged bird named pain

Her sweet love
fills my empty heart,
while I sit here,
facing the wrath
of the world


During the day, he became the play ball for white man. The officers would hit him to ease their boredom. They would try to break him by torturing his soul and heart. He would never lose himself. Slowly and slowly they began to reduce their torture because of boredom. 

During the evening, he eased out the pain through poems.Maybe it was the only way he could remember her. Maybe it was the only way to release the love which he cannot express now.

(To be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 14

She slit her wrist so smoothly. Death seemed inevitable now. It was only easy thing to do. She had reached a point where everything seemed burden to her. Life was a joke to her. Unfortunately she couldn't laugh. Crying was useless. Nothing could be obtained through crying and this she had learnt a long time ago. 

Her soul vanished to a place unknown before anyone could rescue her. Few hours had passed when a maid found her body with blood coming thinly out of her wrist. Her death affected Willington so much that he wanted get that filthy creature dead.

But luck had some other plans. Srinivasan was sent to Kaala pani ( now known as Andaman Nicobar). He expected easy death but this was like slow death. How was he going to stay so many miles away from her? (The news of her death didn't reach out to Srinivasan). As he sits, dreaming about the special moments with her, he pens down the below words in his mind.

Miles away from here,
an angel wanders,
while I lose my heart, 
she sings songs
of love and hope

 
Willington was satisfied not happy. This was better though not the best method to punish him. He was alone once again which wasn't different when she was there. But woman in a man's life irrespective of her importance and existence has significant in one's life.

Kaala pani wasn't hell after all. It was an island away from his hometown. He had heard about horror stories that happened in this place. He knew he would lose his individuality because of being here. But he had lost that long time ago. Once he was bought to huge building, he knew solitary was going to be his best friend. .

He missed her so much. He would replay those moments again and again until it bought tears to his eyes. He wished he could had at least had last glimpse of her careless laughter. But he doubted that she still smiled miles away from him.

(To be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 13

He was thrashed and beaten up daily for an innocent mistake. A mistake for which he wasn't guilty for committing. He wouldn't mind to fall in love with her again and again. For this mistake, this pain was nothing. He was ready to face any wrath to be in love. 

Was it wrong love someone so deep? Pain seemed nothing to him. He was confined in dark room where Willington had right to torture him for having an affair with his wife. Srinivasan didn't complain for the only reason that no man even him could stand the woman in their life to be smitten by the other man. 

His only wish was to see her and know whether everything was fine. But that was just a wistful thinking. He knew that his life would be taken if they got to know his wish. 

He was aware of the status of his life. He would be sent to that dreadful island which was known as hell for rebels. He was no rebel. But they painted him as person who manipulated the General's wife to get his revenge for losing his job. 

Whenever Willington left Srinivasan free, he would think about her. What had happened to her? Was she fine? Did she miss him? Did she still love him? While he pondered on these thoughts, he would put them in poem though he had nothing to write.

The pain is sweet
like the honey.
from the nature best
Life is useless
without love

This distance hurts,
her memories tears
while I smile
when the world hits
me mercilessly

While he was in hell, she was in devastating condition. Nothing seemed fine than love. Death was better than life.She stared at the knife. Was it easy to give up life for love? Maybe. She picked up the knife and spoke softly to herself," Why should I live when my love is facing all the pain?"

( To be continued)

Soitary Love - Part 12

There  was not a single day that they missed to even catch a glimpse of each other. Love between them was growing thicker and deeper day by day. She would find smallest opportunities to get out to see him. Willington had become cautious about leaving the house. He never let out the sight of her.

She was tired of playing good house wife in front of  Willington. She was obligated by the promise she had taken in front of God. Unfortunately she had broken her promise which she didn't feel guilty. Willington never made her feel like his wife. There was no love in their relationship to keep her binded.

When she was with Srinivasan, it was different. Everything was beautiful. She had never known such  emotions like love could exist in life too. She was in other world when she was with him. Even small tasks of teaching him English and learning lessons of life from him was interesting.

She dreaded coming home. Home was like a prison to her and time with Srinivasan was escape. She always hoped that some miracle would happen and they could be together. But she knew this was just a wish that could be never be fulfilled. Miracles happen only in dreams.

It was beautiful morning. Willington was away for work for few days. She was with Srinivasan. While he was writing some prose for her in English for the first time, she simply lay on his lap, watching the sun closely.

As she was dreaming for bright future, she didn't see what was coming. Willington and his men barged into their peaceful environment and dragged Srinivasan. Everything happened so quickly. Srinivasan was arrested for manipulating his wife. She tried to stop them. But she was too fragile to protest in front of hefty men. She was left alone with a piece of paper that read:


A thousands words
are not enough to define love
A thousands years
are not enough to spend
time with love

Infinity is even less
to spend time with you

( To be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 11

Next morning she met him. He was in lot of pain. His wounds weren't serious ones. But she felt guilt inside her bursting out in form of tears in her eyes. He was in this state because of her. She couldn't forgive herself for his state. 

His wounds were healing but his heart hadn't. "Why was she here?", he thought. Why was she playing games with his heart? This was not right. First she tries to avoid him and now she cares. Why?

She touched the wounds and said, " I am sorry." He didn't care. He didn't look at her and pretended to close his eyes. She looked at his small room. Unlike her, it was too tiny to even fit two people. The walls were made of mud. The door was almost broken and the window was tiny to let the sunshine reach his room. The bed was the only furniture. It was small and uncomfortable. She felt responsible for the loss of his income.

The head servant had taken her to him after her constant begging. He was with them as translator of emotions and language. He was the only one who understood both. He knew the love shared between them was unique and wouldn't be supported by anyone. It would die like the other epic love story. However the only difference would be their story wouldn't be remembered.

As she spoke, head servant explained him. Srinivasan didn't want to believe but he had to." Ask her if she did care about me, why doesn't she proclaim her love in front of everyone. Why is she scared? Doesn't she believe in me? Does she think that I am too weak to face these cold blooded people." , he said. The head servant decoded the language to her in her language. "I know you are strong. But you don't know that I am weak. I can't see them do anything to you. I fear for your life. I have done so much damage to your life now. I don't want to do more. Tell him, this" she told the head servant.

As the head servant made him understand, Srinivasan got up slowly from his bed. It took him several minutes to walk towards her ( she was standing few yards away from her) Love knows no language. It only understands feelings and emotions.

( to be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 10

Why? One moment she said she loved him. The other moment she pushed him away. Was he just a toy to play with?  He had mixed bag of emotions flowing inside his heart. He was confused as well as angry.

Why did she show him dreams when all she wanted was to push him anyway? She took him to highest levels of heavenly pleasures and pushed him down. Why? Was this one of the methods of English to bring Indians down?, he wondered.

He had to confront her. He had to know the truth. He was searching for the right moment. He followed her everywhere. But the right moment was yet to come.

One fine day,the moment had come. He grabbed her hand in front of many people. He didn't care of anyone talking behind their backs or sharing their secret to Wilmington . "Tell him that you love me. Why are u doing this to me?

She didn't understand what he said. He looked like a mad man to her. Her conscience scolded her for betraying him. She pushed him back and said, "It's a mistake! Go away!" Willington was quickly given this piece of information. He couldn't take this and thrashed him bad that very night.

He was in pain and so was she. She tossed on the bed the whole night while thinking about him. She had to meet him and see if he was fine. She had to tell him to stay away from her.

(To be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 9

Those three words only  were the only words he had learnt in English. Those three words were the only words that bought joy. Love was mystique that made you believe in heavenly happiness that never existed.

He started dreaming of the future so bright with him and her in fantasy world where there was no place for sadness or loneliness.

They had released themselves from their embrace. They looked at each other with all love. Was it sin to love his Sahib's wife? His heart feared that something bad was looming around their relationship. This was not right. What would happen if Willington found out?

He wanted to express his feelings too. But he didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to say his feelings out in the language she would understand. Words ...language was the villian of their simple yet complex story.

Her heart wanted answer while soul . She knew that it was not right though she wanted it. She was married woman. She was committed to Jack ( Willington). She had made promises in front of God that she would safeguard their relationship. How can she break it up for love?

" You should leave, I am sorry.", she said and left. He was baffled. Why did she leave? Where did she go? Too many surprises didn't go well with him.

(To be continued) 

Solitary Love- Part 8

He was shocked. His body jolted due to her touch. Nobody held him that way. He didn't expect that someone would be greet him with warm welcome during his arrival.

He felt happy deep inside. He knew how miserable he was without her. He hadn't realized that this feeling of pain and now relief was result of love that grew in his heart. 

He had left home because of her. His life had become like barren without her though his source of bread and butter was lost after he was thrown out of his job. Instead of finding other sources,he observed the movement of Willington. As soon as he realized Willington wasn't there in town, he jumped at this opportunity to meet her.

When Willington stepped out of the house, he tiptoed into house. He had to make sure that he wasn't caught red handed. Once he found her alone, he walked slowly to surprise her. But her sudden touch surprised him. He never expected that she would be waiting for him.

Love is blind. He hadn't yet realized that he was deeply in love with her. He still mistook it for friendship until she hugged him. Was her simple touch enough to make him believe he was in love with her? Did she love him the way he did? He wanted to release himself from such thoughts. But what followed next shocked him more.

"I love you!",she said , making his heart jump with joy. So it was love that bought two lonely souls together. His heart relaxed and all doubts of broken heart disappeared in thin air.

(To be continued)

Solitary Love - Part 7

The parties were boring. It was plain. There were the same old things that happened in every gathering.These so called civilized people behaved in typical way.They wore heavy victorian gowns and the civilized men wore trousers. They danced like as if they were some delicate dolls made of glasses. They ate food with polite manners. There was no laughter or fun.

All of this made her heart swell. She didn't enjoy. She became her old soulless self. She missed her new friends. Srinivasan was thrown out of his job that very day when he was found speaking to her. That was last day when she smiled with open hearts. She was lost in herds of civilized crowd.

She tried to ask about him to head servant. He didn't tell anything to her. He wouldn't even look at her in her eyes. After constantly asking him, she lost her hope.

She was losing herself and loathing her life. Everyday parties weren't her thing. She stopped going at once. She sat home knitting sweaters which helped her spend time. However it didn't bring the needed compassion in her life. Her life was cold.

It was usual day. She sat outside, looking at bright outside world. She was comparing her sullen inside self with outside world. It looked like an oasis to her thirsty heart. 

Suddenly she felt someone standing next to her. She looked up to see Srinivasan smiling at her. She jumped and hugged him instantly. There was sudden happiness and hope in her life. He was like the raindrop to her barren soul.

(To be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 6

"Do you sing?", Srinivasan asked. Head servant translated it to her. She nodded and said, "yes and it's the choir.". She started singing. Her voice was beautiful. She missed few beats.

The head servant taught her few words while Srinivasan taught her the simple tunes. She was quick learner. She picked up fast.

It didn't take them many days to teach her the song she wanted to learn. Meanwhile she became good friends with them. She would spend most of her lonely time with them.

Srinivasan's view about English changed slowly. Was she really nice and kind? Was she playing with them like the other English men. His heart wanted to believe that not all English men  were bad and evil. There were few who had golden hearts like her. It is not the human who are bad but their actions that turn them bad. But the fear within him never let him believe this beautiful philosophy.

One fine day, Willington came home to see his wife spending time with the low class gardener. He was shocked. What was going on? What was his wife doing with that animal. He marched towards him and thrashed him. Later he grabbed his wife's hand and walked her to their room.

"What were you doing with that man?", he asked. " I was talking to him. I get lonely, Jack! I need some company.", she replied. "I will introduce you to some group of my friend's wives. You need to spend time with civilized than these filthy people.", he said firmly.

(To be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 5

"Sorry, I got late.", head servant said this nth time now. Srinivasan counted the sorries joblessly while the head servant spoke to her about the deal in her language. He also noticed that she would momentarily gaze at him when she got every moment free.

He stared at her emerald eyes. He had never seen such pretty eyes. Her nose was well shaped, small and pointed. Her lips were red and for one moment, he wanted to kiss them. Suddenly he stopped looking at her and controlled his emotions.

Why did he think like this? She was member of the intruder  clan. He cannot commit sin by thinking about her in such manner. He diverted his mind to music and forms of it.

His love for music was like love he had for plants. The sweet symphony amazed him the way it calms him. The lyrics wandered in his mind like the soul wandering in the forest. He listens to the beats in his heart.

Suddenly he sang the words of love and discussions stops in middle. They listen to him with amazement. When he comes to his senses, he stops. "Why did you stop?", she said.

"Can we start ?" , he looked at head servant. The heart servant guides to them to place where no one visits. They are sitting on the luscious green grass while she is sitting on the cloth mat.


( To be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 4

The day was perfect though it was winter. The sun shined while cold wind blowing across the land momentarily. He had finished his work early to include the new role.

He despised it. Why should he teach the sacred song to the intruder? The land he was standing and the soil that he felt under his feet was snatched by the countrymen of her land and no one cared about it.

He wanted to start a movement like the one started fifty years back by a soldier against British. Unlike the solider, he had no courage. He ended up working for one to support his poor family.

"Good morning! You are early today. Anyway thanks for your time.", she said politely. He didn't understand the language she spoke. Was she insulting him? He had known that the English knew how to treat people ( not superior to their race) miserably. He shouldn't have agreed to the head servant.

Where was the head servant? He made disgusted look. He didn't want to be left alone with this stranger. He looked around while she smiled at him time to time. There was an eerie silence between them.

At last after hundred terrible waiting minutes,the head servant arrived. He huffed and came. After taking few deep breaths to compose himself, he apologized for coming late. Srinivasan understood the value of time for the first time.


( To be continued)

Solitary Love- Part 3

They tried to control their laughter. However her inquisitive to learn their language amused them.She was surprised by laughter. Did she say anything wrong? Being the wife of General Willington was becoming curse than boon for her. She did love her husband yet she was feeling distant. 

Her husband wouldn't be at home most times,leaving her alone with her unmet desires. She felt like dead soul in strange land. She was married to Willington because of the family status they shared and what would their union would bring to them.

The soft song sung by this rough person bought life into her. It bought peace that was missing in her life. Today she decided to find the singer of that song. She was surprised when they laughed at her request. Did she say something wrong?

" I am sorry if I sounded funny. The song is so beautiful.", she said. "No Memsaheb ! If you want to learnt it, Srinivasan will teach you. But I have to be there as a translator.", the head servant said.

She smiled at once and agreed. Later when Srinivasan got to know about the deal, he disagreed. " I can't do this! She is Sahib's wife and why should I teach intruders of our land , our song? They have taken a lot from us.", Srinivasan said.

"She will pay you well. She is newly wedded wife and if we are providing company to her, what is wrong in there? You are not thinking properly.", head servant said. However he wasn't still convinced.

(To be continued )

Solitary Love - Part 2

Something struck him. Suddenly reality became visible. He left the place and walked to different part of area which needed his attention. However the beauty followed him there.

"Hey where are you going? Don't be shy. I won't bite you.",she said. Her voice was sweet like honey. It melted his ears. It was more like symphony to his heart. He didn't understand the foreign language she spoke.What was happening? He was trying to get away but it followed him.  

He rushed towards the head servant. She followed him there too. "She's following me. I don't know why.", he said in his local language. The colour of head servants face changed when he saw her.

"Don't you know who she is! She is Sahib's daughter. She might have wanted something from you.", the head servant replied back. "Memsahib, do you want something?", the head servant continued

"Oh yes! I wanted to know the song he was singing . It's beautiful.", she said. "Song... (he looked at Srinivasan and whispered to him local language) Yes, I know, memsahib. It is just a tribal song .", head servant said.

"Could you ask him to teach me too please? I would like to learn it. ", she asked. Both the servants looked at each other. They wanted to laugh but they didn't have the freedom to laugh. An Englishwoman wanted to learn the language detested by her own countrymen.

(To be continued)

Solitary Love - Part 1

The sun hid behind the dark grey clouds. Winter hadn't yet started and it was cold already. Tiny droplets of rain hit the soil of colonized India where the word 'freedom' was only a strange word.  

Srinivasan was covered from head to toe with thick shawl. It was only source of heat for him. His thin dhoti cloth didn't do much to cover his strong able body.

He walked faster. He was ten minutes late to his Sahib's house. He had worked there as a gardener for five years from now. His work was the only reason that his Sahib tolerated his unpuntuality. His love for plants was the only way to feed his family.

He reached the garden where the head servant waited impatiently for him." You are late again. Thank god that Sahib didn't see you now. Go and water the plants.", the head servant said.

He nodded his head. He quickly rushed to plants and started his work. He sang soft songs on nature in language he knew since child while he watered the plants. He kneaded the soil and sow the seeds of love.

"You sing beautifully. What is this song?", a feminine voice said. He looked behind to see a doll... or  Was she a nymph in typical Victorian dress? Whatever she was, he hadn't seen the girl so fair with blonde hair that blew momentarily across her face. He stared at the beauty and stopped what he was doing.

(To be continued)

This Shit called Love- Part 21

Don't go! Please don't go!", he repeated. People looked at us with confusion. There was a lot of commotion.People were speaking in low soft voices. It was about us. They were witnessing a dramatic scene which was quite entertaining. But I didn't want to be part of this.

Tears swelled my eyes. "I can't . I waited too long.", I said softly. He walked closer towards me until distance seemed minimal. "Please don't go. I am sorry. I am sorry for drifting away from you. I am sorry for not understanding our special relationships.", he said. Everything that he said was irony to my ears. 

I looked away from him. My heart was melting. Second thoughts were screaming from nowhere. "Please don't do this! I have to leave.", I said. " I am sorry for hurting your emotions. You loved me with all heart. I was selfish...", he couldn't complete his sentence and I started to leave.

He grabbed my hand suddenly. " Don't ... I can't leave without you even a single second. You are my life . Yes! I am fool to discard you away. But that's stupid mistake that I am ready to change.", he said.

I stared at confused eyes of my dear ones. I looked at Rajveer one more time. I smiled though tears didn't seem to stop. " Please don't let me say this! But I had tough time to get away from you. I am leading my life peacefully. I am ready to forgive you but I can't let you in my life. Bye !",I said releasing my hand. " Don't go! Don't go!", he said. " You discarded me like a vegetable. You didn't give me chance to prove my love. You forgot our years of friendship. This is the best I can do- Forgive you.", I said.

He was shocked. He fell down to the grounds like the lost warrior.I couldn't see him in pain. I pulled him up and hugged him.. our old friendly hug that glued our relationship But I didn't let it melt the pain I had. He had taken time to understand us. But I had self pride. I didn't want to lose myself again. I walked inside the airport with new found confidence and hope.



                                               ***** The end *****

This shit called Love- Part 20

I got busy for a month on the preparation to begin new chapter in my life. Life was taking a beautiful turn. My mind and soul was focused on this course. I had a purpose in my life at last. I started believing in dreams that I had trashed long time. Rajveer exited my life long back.

My family supported me throughout this journey. They had no clue about my broken relationship status with Rajveer (Surprisingly, I stopped calling him sugar candy). Anyway, they never asked me about it. I guess, everyone was so busy with work.Mum helped me with shopping for clothes. Dad gave me approval to send me away to a strange country. He took the charge of all documentation regarding my university and travel. Mahi helped in other petty work.

Suddenly,I was surrounded with people who cared about me. I became alive and visible. My heart wasn't healed yet. I still thought about him. How could I forget him so easily? He was there for goddamit fifteen years. I thought I knew him so well. For godsake, I shared every possible minute with him. He knew me inside and out. How could he break my heart like this?

The day arrived soon. I had packed my stuffs and was at the airport. Everyone came to bid me farewell except Rajveer. His absence didn't affect me so much now. But I wished he could make it for me one last time. I hoped he would forget the past and atleast wished me luck. I did message him that I was leaving though my conscience scolded me. As usual he didn't message.

I looked at my watch. I still had fifteen minutes. I was filled with mixed emotions. I wanted to go but there was a pinch of anxiety in me. Fear of leaving my dear ones and the world that I knew very well engulfed me. Failures and uncertain future scared me though I kept myself calm. I always had issues with welcoming the future. Well, Rajveer would be always there for me to make me feel better about future. But he wasn't there now.

As I got ready to leave, I heard my name called. It was familiar voice. I turned back to see Rajveer. He looked crushed. He hadn't shaved for days. His eyes looked red due to lack of sleep. He had become more leaner and weak. My heart was broken into pieces after looking at his condition. What had happened to him? Why was he looking so pale?   "Don't go, Suhani! ", he said.

(To be continued)

This Shit called Love- Part 19

I didn't  like the way the things were working out in my life. Everything was normal that day except the zombie feeling within my heart. I was sitting outside while trying to make sense out of my life. 

I had checked my mailbox for the nth time. There was no new mail. I had already accepted the fact that I was useless and always required Rajveer in my life. In order words I was dependent on him.

I traveled back to my past when I started reading his old messages. How much fun we had during those days. Every special moment spent with him became more special to me.Now life seemed like plain vanilla. 

I was awakened from the thoughts of my past when Mahi rushed to me with an envelope. "I bet you will jump with joy when you read this.", she said while handing me the envelope. 

I didn't want to open it. But she forced me to do it. I opened it with lack of excitement and energy. I read the words. It said that my designs were unique and fresh. I didn't bother to read the rest and jumped to last line.

I read the bold letters- You have been accepted. It didn't strike me until I read again. I was accepted. I was accepted. Omg! I have been accepted. This is great! My designs won me a scholarship. I jumped with triumph and I felt like I got my life back. I hugged Mahi.

(To be continued)

This shit called Love- Part 18

It was too hard for me to get out of this stage. Love was pain. It's easy to fall but it takes lot of courage and time for you to fall out of love. I had tried to get away from him but eventually I would end up calling him zillion times while he never responded to any of calls. I would send personal messages to him waiting for days for his reply.

He never replied or tried to visit me. I lost hopes of waiting for him until I got bored of being confined in my four walled prison cum fortress. I had start a new lease of life rather than waste my time on a person who didn't care about me.

I tried to infuse myself with people who I had not spoken to. But I felt like a zombie in land of humans. Sometimes I would walk towards his place to get a glimpse of what he was upto. But I couldn't stay for single minute. I would feel the rush of emotions tear me whenever I thought about him.

I had to do something productive to alleviate the pain. I  saw an envelope sitting on the table. I had received a request to participate in elite designer show where the winners would get scholarship for fashion designer course. The envelope remained on my study table for days.

I looked at it one more time after so many weeks. The show was next month. I sat down with the designs I had hidden in my creative minds.

Later I sent it to them, waiting for their response. They didn't reply. As  usual it was my crappy luck or maybe I hadn't  seen deadline. I fell into my old self of zombiness.

(To be continued)

This shit called love -Part 17

He repeated those words again as I pretended as if I hadn't heard. I didn't care. I just wanted them to leave me alone with my shallow self. Nothing mattered to me than myself me now.

" I am not asking you to forgive me. I have betrayed your mother's as well as yours and Mahi. Forgiveness is good.  It heals your wounded hurt. Your mother and Mahi have forgiven me.", he continued.

I didn't reply. I was too proud to say anything. I am not Mahi or mum to forgive him. He has a made a mistake for which forgiveness is not a solution. But what he said was not relevant to what I felt now.

"Ok! You don't want to forgive. Don't forgive. But why are you hurting yourself? Do you think hurting yourself can suffice the pain caused to me? Yes! To an extent! Nevertheless I am leading my life with pain to see you lead your life like this. Live your life to the fullest.", he said.

"Please leave me alone!", I said. Those were the only words I managed to say the whole time. He left but mum begged me to change my mind. I didn't listen His words hit me like storm though I pretended that I didn't listen.

Live my life to the fullest! Well! Did Rajveer care about whether I had food or slept. I don't think so. If he had, he would have atleast come to see me. But he didn't. I cried while I thought this. He didn't even care if I am alive or not. He didn't even call to check whether I was fine. Was our friendship too weak to bear this pain?

(To be continued)

This shit called love - Part 16

Friendship is a bond that ties you with the one you care forever.  If it is mixed with other emotions, it loses its essence. Days had passed and there was no sign of him. I missed him so much.

I had never felt so lonely. The world seemed to be conspiring against me. Why? Why was God doing this to me? Why did he take away someone so special from me? Did he really exist? I doubt about it.

" Hey sweety, open the door. Look who has come.", my mum called me outside from the door. I opened the door instantly, thinking it was him. Unfortunately, it was my father and mum looking at me with a lot of concern.

I was about to close the door when dad stopped me. "Let me in!", he said. I didn't want to but I couldn't resist. I hated him for what he did to our family. "Won't you forgive your dad?", he said, following me inside my room.

"Please leave me alone, dad. I don't want to talk to you now.", I said coldly. There was a time when I looked upon me for smallest advices on life. There was a time when dad meant to me, a whole world.

"Don't forgive me! What I have done to your mum and us is shameful. But what you are doing to yourself is not correct. Why are you hurting yourself for someone else mistake?", he said. How did he know about us? I stared at him with shock and disbelief of what he just said.

(To be continued)

This shit called Love- part 15

Those words hit me badly. Tears of sorrow and broken heart started flowing. I didn't lose hope. " Please! Please don't say that. I love you.", I cried. " I don't see you in that way. You are my friend for Christ sake.", he said. 

I was crushed. "Then why did you make love to me?", I screamed. He looked at me in disgust. " I told you that night was a mistake. I am not ready for any commitments.", he said.

I slapped him hard. The colour of his face changed from yellow to red. "What the hell! ", he shouted. "I hate you, Rajveer. I thought you would be the last one to break my heart. But you .. went ahead of those who broke my heart.", I said. 

I walked out of his house and he didn't even stop me. That day, I realised that you come alone in this world and leave alone. I didn't even look at his face for one last time.

I didn't leave my room after that incident. Tears and sorrow became my best friend. My mum tried to persuade me to come down and spend time with the family. I didn't listen. The four walls of my room became the fortress for my broken heart.

He didn't call me. He didn't even tried to meet me. Mahi tried to break open the door. But her frail hands didn't support her. Everyone was worried about me except him. I knew love was trouble. Look what it had done. It made me lose the one I loved.

(To be continued)

This shit called Love- Part 14

I would jump at every ring of messages or call. Later when I would check it, I would see that it was not him. Crazy thoughts were eating my head. I couldn't think clearly.

What had happened to him ? Why didn't he message or call me? Was yesterday night a mistake? Why was he acting weird? He hadn't bothered to ask how I felt. 

Wait! Is he waiting for me to make the first move? How could I be so dumb! I never thought he would feel the same way as I did. At once I called him.

He didn't pick up. Maybe he was still asleep. I messaged him after some time. He didn't respond. This is strange. He always responds to my message within quarter seconds after my message. Was he fine?

I rushed to his house. I rang the bell like dozen times.  He called out some abuses while opening the door. He was startled to find me. "Baby, are you fine? I was thinking about you.", I said softly. I pushed him aside and walked inside. 

"I am fine." , he replied back. He followed me as I made myself comfortable on the sofa. "Well, yesterday's night was special for me...", I said but couldn't complete my sentence. "Yesterday's night was a mistake.", he said coldly. My heart sank into deep misery.

( To be continued)

This shit called Love- Part 13

The lust. The wild passion ruled us. He showed me love, care and affection. I didn't want this time to pass soon. I was enchanted by his charm. I didn't feel guilty for what I was doing.

He kissed me every part of my body. His kisses were small and soft. My body shuddered with his every touch. This shit called love never seemed so beautiful until few hours.

He made passionate love to me while I became a part of him. He explored my body until there was no new place he had not seen. He finally stopped and I was in exhilarating pain.

I smiled while I waited for his soft touch. But he was already asleep. I didn't wake him up. How could I? He looked so small and innocent when he slept. I got up and walked to the washroom. I cleaned myself though pain was still there .

I walked back of him and lay beside him. I stared at him for hours until sleep conquered me. Love is sweet. Love is special. Love wasn't shit after all. Sometimes it is best not to make judgements soon. 

When the sun rose and it's light woke us up, it had erased the wonderful thing we shared. Suddenly I became stranger to him. He didn't speak to me. Instead the silence had engulfed us. I walked out of his house with broken heart and low self esteem.

( To be continued)

This shit called Love - Part 12

Sleepless nights became part of my routine life. I had various opportunities to tell him about my feelings. Unfortunately my courage disappeared when I saw him.

Love made me weak and I was slowly distancing myself because of love.

"You seemed to be silent now a days. What happened? ", he asked. I wanted to scream that love is the problem.  But I simply nodded my head, making him believe that  I was normal.

He didn't believe. Thanks to my face that had truth written over. "Fine! Don't tell me !" , he said , leaving me alone. He stopped speaking to me for days until one fine day I received a message - I need you now!

I rushed to him. I found him drunk on the floor. We were at his home. " Can you stop drinking and be normal for once.", I said. " " Normal! How can I be normal when my friend .. life stops talking to me.", he said.

I looked down and tear droplets started bursting out. He got up and hugged me slowly. "I am sorry.", he said softly. " Tears make you look girly.", he laughed. I didn't reply anything and cried my heart out.

He cupped my face and bought it closer to mine. He kissed my tears and then my forehead. Later he touched my lips. When I opened it for him to explore my mouth, he bit my lips. I didn't realise when the kiss turned into wild hunger for love,

( To be continued )