Consensual - part 32

" Please don't do this. Think about Veda! She needs family. I am changing . Why don't you see?", he pleaded. I was firm. I wanted out of this relationship that had sucked life out of me.

"I did wait for you to change. Now I am tired. I need to breathe. This marriage is a suffocation to me. Please free me from it.", I said. "Suffocation! Whatever you want to call this, You have full right. I am guilty for what you have been through. But think again. We can work on it.", he begged.

" I can't. I don't have... Never mind! I have decided I want out of this marriage. I can't live with you in this loveless marriage. Anyway I am getting late for work. I need you to sign the papers and this is good for both of us. I want Veda to have a happy childhood without us having to pretend that we have a happy marriage.", I said , trying to sound firm.

I was indulged myself into work. I had enough of this emotional breakdown. Now I had to focus on future. It wasn't that I didn't want Praveen to be a part of Veda's life. But I didn't want him to be part of my life again. I was engrossed into work that I didn't realize my best buddy- Shaunik appear from nowhere. I didn't see him standing quietly staring at me work.

"How long have you been standing there? You didn't even call me.", I asked when I saw him. He stood like a statue and said nothing. I could make out that he wasn't himself. "What's wrong?" , I asked. "Nothing! But I had to share something with you which I was carrying in my heart for so long. If you are free , I would like you to hear me out.", he said with tense smile.

I nodded and asked him to go ahead. What did he want to say?  " (after taking deep breath) The day I met you , I found you so vulnerable and innocent. As I got to know , I understood you as a strong and independent woman. I know what I will tell you now , you may not believe me... I have fallen in love with you.", he said , shocking me every bit. I never expected this. I had always treated him as a friend.

" I ... Am... Sorry ... I don't know how to react in ...such situation. I .. Don't...love.. You", I said, finding difficult to communicate to him. I got up and walked away from him. I had to get away from too much of emotional outpour. I did what Praveen had done few years back. I broke his heart. But I had no choice. These years had made worn out of love. I couldn't give love second chance. Love was never for me. Love will never be for me.

        ******* the end******

Consensual - part 31

Five years passed so soon . Veda had grown up into chirpy little girl. She wasn't demanding sort of person like her dad. But she was disciplined child who had fun at times. Well! She had me who was at her side.

Work was going in a good note. The company was flourishing and growing. I was happy when father in law assigned his place in the company. Well! He retired without any complains.

Praveen had started cleaning up his image. He had started an animation movie company. He had got some international projects in few years. At last he made his own identity. Everyone were proud of him.

I was seeing many changes in him. He was spending more time with his family. He left his old bad company aside. He concentrated in keeping the family closer. Veda- his sweetie pie was the center of his attention. He tried to get closer to my heart. But my heart was broken into pieces which would never be mended.

Consensual - part 30

Falling in love is an worthwhile experience. But it must have happy endings rather than sad ones. If it ends bad, trouble may start up like the wind blowing over the calm ocean.

I couldn't forgive Praveen after that episode. I hardly spoke to him. My feelings were diminishing for him each day. But it wasn't that I stopped loving him. However there was a time when I really loved him.

Everyone was happy at the arrival of my sweet daughter. She bought peace which was missing in our life. We named her Veda. She was an anchor in our lives. Her presence made my life. I would do anything to see her smile. I would make sure I would buy some time from work to be with her.

Labour was painful with fruit so sweet as pie. I loved her than anything else. My time was only for my precious. Her smallest actions bought joy to me.

She was just like her dad- attention seeker. She had mysterious and innocently curious green eyes. Her mouth was small with pink tiny lips. Her fingers were so tiny that they easily fit into my hands. My gorgeous attention seeker would somehow grab my attention when I would be so busy with household chores. She was my life and everything of mine belonged to her.


Surprisingly Praveen had become sober and bit responsible. Maybe Veda was the change that bought positivity into her life. Whatever it was, it was indeed nice to see him spending time with her. He would come home early to play with his kid. Sometimes he would spend his whole day taking care of her needs instead of partying whole day. Veda has become a part of his life in few days while I tried so many days to only make him see me.

(To be continued)

Consensual-part 29

Eight months had passed in its own pace. It didnt make any difference. My due date was nearing. I was excited as well as emotional. However both the feelings made me impatient about the time when my child would open her eyes to whole new world. Her eyes- Yeah it would a girl. I knew! I would see the sonographic video of my baby.

I had no expectation what baby I wanted. I just wanted my bundle of joy to be healthy and sound. Well! She would be lucky enough to have a nice family. But I pray that she wouldn’t have to see her monstrous dad. Fortunately his presence became lesser day by day. However she didnt require him when teddy bear a.k.a Shaunik was there as a father figure.

I took half day at office. I wanted to buy some things for my kid. Reena accompanied me to the nearby mall. We looked into many shops. I didn’t find anything good until I saw a white frock that was made for just born. It would perfectly fit her. We bought it. As I walked out of shop to see what else I could buy. Something struck me. I couldn’t move.

I saw Praveen and Aarti walk hand in hand. My heart stopped beating for a minute. I was numb. Tell me god, this was not real. I wish it was a dream. I wish it disappeared when I close my eyes. But nothing changed when I opened and closed my eyes. It was same. How could he break my heart again and again? This time I was shattered.

I didn’t realise that I was walking towards them. It didn’t much time. Everything happened quickly.  I slapped Aarti hard and grabbed her by pulling her hair and pushed her with all my force. She fell on the ground. It attracted people from the mall. Reena tried to control the situation. But I ruined it with my anger. “ How dare you spoil my life? How can you do this to your own sister? As for you, my darling husband, you crumbled my feelings like a waste paper. You showed me what is my worth. Thanks!”, I screamed.

Unfortunately I don’t know whether it impacted them but it caused my water to break. My due date was supposed to be in two weeks. Maybe my child didn’t want to see her mother suffer more and planned to come out now. Anyway I was in pain - both emotionally and physically. Everyone around me looked distraught especially my husband. This was a surprise. He carried me to his car and drove as fast as he could to the nearby maternity hospital.

(To be continued)

Consensual- Part 28

I would become really absorbed into my world when I was left alone. But my family made sure that I was not left alone for long time. They would pamper me and induce positive energy around me. The only time I felt lonely was when I was with Praveen and during work.

Praveen was still the same. He didn’t accept our unborn kid. Right! He was irresponsible and why would he take the responsibility of his child? Unfortunately I loved him even though he was such a pain. My love for him was so true and real. Why didn’t he recognise that? When would that time come where he would shower all his love to his child and me? Would that time ever come? I doubt that!

Love makes you do impossible things. I was ready to keep his child in my womb even when I bore his pain. Even grievous criminal gets one more chance. Why didn’t I get one? I wish he gave me one chance to show him how much I loved him. I really missed those days when he was so nice and charming. God! How I wish those days come back when he would speak sweet words to me.

“ Hi! Wake up!”, a masculine voice said, while nudging my arm. I opened my eyes to see that I had slept on my desk. I looked at the person who was shaking me from my sleep. It was that good samaritan a.k.a teddy bear. I smiled and said, “ Thanks!” “ No prob! You looked famished! Did you have lunch?”, he asked with concern. I bent down, thinking about what excuse to give.

He understood that I didn’t have lunch. “Come ! Let’s grab lunch for you. You shouldn’t be starving in such condition. Your kid needs proper nutrition.”, he advised. I was surprised about how he knew I was pregnant. I got up from my seat and followed him to canteen located outside the office. I didn't get up because I had to but I got up due to hunger. I had to energise myself back.

As I was having my lunch, he made sure that I finished last bit of food in my plate. I was quite full with so much of food. “ I might sleep again after having so much. God! I hate you!”, I joked. “ Madam! You need to have food for two person. My cousin would have twice the quantity that you had. This is nothing!”, he said playfully. “ Did my father in law appointed you as my food supervisor?”, I joked again. “ Yes and from now on I will make sure you don’t starve.”, he said. We both bursted into laughter. I was surprised that I was laughing so effortlessly. It had been so long since I laughed or smiled.

(To be continued)

Consensual - part 27

Praveen looked red faced. I wasn't sure he was angry or embarrassed. Whatever was his reaction, I knew he wouldn't accept my child. I was sitting on the couch with face bent. I didn't want to meet his eyes.

"What!! How could you? I am definitely not going to accept this! You and your kid don't belong to me. You were never my responsibility and you were just forced onto me.", he said, hurting me more.

Why did it hurt? He was right. I was a burden to him and with this kid, I was adding more trouble to him. I felt more guilty. As he threw insults after insults, I became smaller and smaller in his eyes.

I had to clear my mind. The only way was work. Work indeed helped me to ease out. I headed to office after protesting long with Reena and ma. I put my all attention into work and didn't raise up untill lunch.

I ate my lunch alone. I had become loner type of person since I got married. The only people I freely spoke were Reena and ma. I was having lunch when I felt someone occupy a chair next to up. I looked up to see pair of chocolate brown eyes staring at me. I felt embarrassed. No one had stared so deeply into me.

"Hi, how are you?", he asked in polite voice. It took me sometime to realise that it was him who had grabbed when I almost fainted. I smiled and said, " yes, I am fine." I stared at him to get clear picture of him. He was tall and large. He resembled like huge teddy bear. He had chubby face that was filled with innocence and care. I had finished my lunch and quietly got up without telling him bye.

(To be continued)

Consensual - part 26

I opened my eyes. I was at home in my bed. Ma was sitting next to me, caressing my head. Reena bought soup and lunch. I could see father in law talking to doctor in the end.

I tried to get up. But I fell on my back. My energy was diminished. "How are you feeling, darling?", ma asked. "Feeling fine, ma" I said weakly. "Don't tell me you are fine. You don't look one inch fine to me. From now on, I will supervise your eating schedule. Mind you! I am going to be strict with you!", Reena said.

I smiled sheepishly. Your health becomes half better when you have your family to support you. I was quite relaxed after having lunch. "Well! Good news finally! I am really proud of you, Shruti.", father in law said.

I was perplexed. What did he mean by good news? What did I do to make him feel proud of me? I didn't know. Maybe it was about work. " Shruti is pregnant!" I was shocked. How could that be possible?

I thought it was amenorrhea. I wanted to check up with the doctor. I would always postpone it due to work. I also blamed it on my irregular appetite.  Though I was relieved, I was disappointed. I didn't want the reason to be pregnancy.

Kid! No I can't bear his child. This child would never have father whom he/she could look upto. It was better if my child never came to this world. He/ she would only witness grief and sorrow. I wondered about how would Praveen take in the news. I was sure he would be devasted.

(To be continued)

Consensual - part 25

Love was never for me. It would never be. When was I going to realise the bloody bitter fact? Everytime I hoped, it would end in disaster.

I was very angry... Angry at him, angry at myself and everyone including god. Why did God do this to me? Why does he fool me every time with false hopes?

Few weeks had passed. I tried to put that incident back of my head. But it would replay again and again. I would put my attention into work, trying to forget. Well! God damn heart! Never let's you forget a thing.

I hardly saw him. I had shifted to Reena akka's room next day. But I didn't tell anyone about the real reason. Initially Ma and Reena didn't confront about my sudden plan to shift. Later they became a bit suspicious and started interrogating me. Anyway, I didn't dwell them about our passionate night.

I hadn't eaten for few days. Food seemed bland. I would make excuse of late night work. I was becoming this workaholic machine. I didn't want to come home. I would spend hours at office and sometime I would spend my night there. Unfortunately father in law would face the brunt. He would get the scoldings from ma for overworking me.

It was usual day for me. I missed my breakfast and lunch. Hunger pangs stopped bothering me. I required few information that father in law had about some files. I was walking into his cabin. Suddenly I felt the world turning around. I almost tripped but a good samatarian grabbed me in his burly arms. I tried to look at him. But weakness had taken a toll on me. My eyes were closing and everything was fading into darkness.

(To be continued)

Consensual- part 24

I was in cloud nine. I never expected that he would want me so badly. Did he feel the way I felt about him? I know it was weird to believe in love again. It would be foolish to expect things to change for better. But I didn't mind.

I didn't want the night to get over too soon. I wanted to hold the sweet memories back and never let them fade. Why can't happiness stay bit longer? Why does it shy away from me?

Love! Love makes you so crazy and weak. His one touch had taken me to impossible heights. I had started dreaming those impossible desires.

"Aarti.. My sweet Aarti!", he called out the name. Aarti! Why was he calling me Aarti? After few minutes later, it struck me. He didn't need me. He saw Aarti in me. He was so intoxicated by the drink that he couldn't distinguish between fantasy and reality.

I should have understood that he was never mine. He never loved me. The fact that I knew but put blind eye to it. Sign! This is what happen whenever I start to expect things from undeserving people. I pushed him away from him in disgust. It shook him a bit. However he got back to sleep.

I rushed to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and cried my heart out. God! Why it had to be me? Why was I doomed to have loveless life? I quickly poured the water in the bucket. Once it was full, I poured it on me. I was cleansing myself from the fantasy that I created some time ago.

(To be continued)

Consensual- part 23

I was crushed into his embrace. My heart was melting for him even though he broke my heart several times. I wanted him to never leave me ever. I wish he held me tight.

I tried to come to my sense. But it became impossible for me to overlook this heavenly emotion. He released me a bit and cupped my face. He pressed his lip onto mine. This time it was soft and gentle.

My desire was amplified with every touch of his. It bought a tantalising effect to my body. My heart was beating faster at every second. How can anyone feel two emotions at one time? I felt angry and happy at the same time.

He pushed me to the bed. I froze when he forced himself into me. I was suffocated but I liked it. I didn't resist him. I let him to play with my senses and body.

Pain had become pleasure. What controlled us was lustful indulgence... Maybe it was for him but for me it was more than indulgence. I had given everything that I had to him. I was truly , deeply and madly belonged to him. And I was always his since the time I laid my eyes on him.

He was inside me. His touch increasingly moved all over my body. I felt him exploring my sensuality. I didn't understand why he wanted me tonight when he hated me so much. I was confused and the hope that had died long back revived.

( to be continued)

Consensual - part 22

The day was tiring. My feet was hurting bad though I didn't have any work that involved physical activities. However I was riding my little Scooty to the new office for two hours back and forth.

My father in law offered me a ride to office. But I declined it. I was a proud employee of his office and didn't want to indulge into perks of being his daughter in law. I wanted everyone in the office to believe that I was an ordinary employee like them.

The work was stressful for new joinee like me. I had no experience and it was tough to cope up. But my father in law's constant support helped me to raise up to his standard. Within months time I learnt quite lot of what was happening in work. It was great!

It was Monday blue. The clouds had formed strong alliance with each other. The rain didn't stop for hours. But work didn't stop, we continued to work with our stringent deadlines.

I was coming back from work. The monsoon day hadn't dampen my mood. I had audited few accounts. I was left with most of work done and father in law was quite happy withy work. More than that I was happy to meet my companion - rain after a long time. I hadn't enjoyed the bliss of the rain since my husband had come into my life.

The rain was amazing. Every drop of it was pure and refreshing. It hadn't been long since I came home back from office. I had gone up to the terrace to get the washed clothes. Instead of doing that, I was enjoying the rain. If Reena hadn't come looking for me, I would have stayed out  longer.

I dried myself and wore my dry clothes. I assisted ma and Reena with the dinner preparation. After the dinner, I walked back to my room though I resisted myself. It was already 12 and I wasn't able to sleep. So I put on the music from player and was busy reading a book.

But reading became boring and so I sat joblessly looking at the time. The music played , aimlessly entertaining my ears. I walked towards the window to see the rain. It was still raining. I felt the drops, extending my hand to feel them. It was peaceful and serene. Unfortunately peace didn't stay for long. I felt someone touch my shoulders.

The touch bought me shivers down the spine. I turned back to face my fear...my weakness- praveen. He lifted my face towards him. Our eyes met and I was falling in love with him again. Before it became worse, I walked away from him. But he was adamant enough to stop me. He dragged me and hugged me tight. I wanted to get away from him. I didn't want to make things complicated.


(To be continued)

Consensual - part 21

I was in a dilemma whether to say yes or no. Yes I wanted to assist my father in law and I would have readily accepted. But Praveen was extremely talented and smart enough to handle issues.

" Praveen could help you out. He is good at it. He knows the work well. I don't have any experience. I never loved accounts. I wouldn't be of any use.", I raised an opinion.

"Well, if he was responsible, I wouldn't have to beg people to join me. You are responsible and smarter than him though you don't have experience. You can pick up soon. You are efficient too.", he said assuring me about my strengths.

I wasn't convinced at all. Indeed he was irresponsible. I was in opinion that he should be given at least one chance to prove his worth. "You can take your time and tell me. I am not in hurry.", father in law said, keeping his hopes in me.

I was thinking about telling Praveen to accept the offer. I knew he wouldn't listen to me. But why not try? I waited untill morning. Before I could tell him anything, he spoke, "I heard that dad asked you to assist him. You should accept the offer. At least you can use your energy into doing something instead of slapping people.", he sarcastically commented.

I felt bad. I wanted to share my opinion about him assisting his dad. Father in law was right! My husband was an irresponsible ass hole who had only time for spending family's money for useless activities. I walked up to my father in law and said, " I am ready to come to office. Can I join you from today?"

(To be continued)

Consensual - part 20

I couldn't look at him. I tried to avoid me as much as I could. But he was my husband and I had no option but deal with him.

I wanted to forget the incident. Unfortunately he didn't let me forget it. He would bring up the issue every time.

I was reading one of my favorite books. It was a classic novel called Emma . Since it  had been long time I laid my eyes on a book. I only wanted a peaceful alone time with myself. But my husband took away that time too. "Hey! Wifey! Whatever happend that night was complete mistake. But your reaction to it was outrageous. You are my wife and I am no stranger to you. How dare you slap me in front of my friends?" , he said disturbing my peace.

I had lost my cool. This had been hundredth time he was bringing up this issue. "What do you want me to do? Kiss you back and say how grateful of you to share that kiss. You seriously have no heart! I didn't dare to slap. Your action were enough to make me react like that. Who embarrasses his wife in front of his friend? ", I snapped at him. I was very angry with him.

I walked away from him. He didn't even have courtesy to ask forgiveness. How egoistic he was? He had already broke my heart and now he was ripping it more.  It was dinner time. Everyone was at dinner table except Praveen. As usual he had gone out with his friends for another rave party organised by him. Sometimes I wonder about his irresponsible behaviour. Father in law would earn so much day and night. Praveen  wouldnt even care to save one single penny. Love is so blind. It never shows us the true side.

" Shruti , I need a favour from you child. I have an upcoming deadline for auditing books and I have few staff this year. So I was hoping that you could help me out.", father in law asked. Why did he ask me to help him? Would I be good enough to assist him? I was merely his sons wife and had not much of an exposure to outside world. What did father in law see in me?

(To be continued)

Consensual - part 19

This was supposed to be my first kiss. I wanted it to be perfect. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever thought about being kissed in front of large audience. It turned out to be worse after being kissed in front of his friends.

For god sake I was his wife. Though I have been reason for his addiction to horrible life, I didn't deserve to be embarrassed like this. In fit of rage, I slapped him hard and left the room with red face.

He looked embarrassed and his friends were shocked to see the steamy chemistry between us ending like this. Well this was not good. I felt like a puppet in his hands and I didn't want him to get that idea. So slapping him was indeed fine but it made me feel guilty later.

I bursted out crying and couldn't stop. My frustration and emotions was driving me mad. My heart was wounded again. But this time pain was too unbearable. The highest level of tolerance had broken.

I rubbed my lips constantly. I washed it again with soap and water. I gurgled the whole bottle of mouth wash to clean my mouth from his breath.

Why? I always wanted him. Why did his kiss change whatever I had for him? Sometimes one event could change our perception about people. Would my life always be like this? Do I have to pay for my innocent sin for the rest of my life.

(To be continued)

Consensual - part 18

We were ready to retire ourselves for the night. I had planned to sleep with Reena.The party was still going on. My husband was having great time. The loud voices could be heard uptill our room.

We were in mode to switch ourself to the dream world. Suddenly Praveen called me, "Wifey! Wifey... Shruti!" I didn't want to get up. But I had to force myself to walk towards my room.

I dragged myself. It took me fifteen minutes to reach the room. "Yes!", I replied. The room had become a mess. There were bottles everywhere. His friends were mostly men of his age. The smell of cigarettes and whiskey was lingering into my nosetrills. It revolted my stomach. At once I covered my nose.

"Hey! Come closer! Why are you standing so far, love?", he said , pulling me towards him. I was resisting his force on me. But he was too strong for me. "My wife , Shruti, guys was there for my sister when I was not there to support her. All cheers to my wife.. Reena has got at least a good sister in law though I have only promised her that I will be there for her.", he said, surprising me for what he said.

" I am such a bad brother. Reena is happy now because of you, darling.", he added. I was never so shocked of hearing such sweet words from his mouth for the first time. As I was sinking into the fact that I was being praised, I felt him dragging me towards him until our bodies touched each other. He pulled my hair and kissed me deep.

The kiss was quite long. I could feel his tongue exploring my mouth. I could taste his whiskey ridden breath that made me feel pukish. I had forgotten myself for few minutes. My heart was beating hard. The kiss was filled with aggression and frustration. It was an act of showing who was in control. It was never an attempt to show any sort of love or care.

(To be continued)

Consensual - part 17

As decided father in law filed a case against the greedy in laws of Reena. Reena was at last in peace. Though she felt the pinch of misery now and then about her broken marriage, I had never seen so relaxed and free of negative emotions. I was happy for her.

An hour was left for the day to end. But it wasn't over for us. Reena and I were chatting about the interesting events of our childhood. The days when we were so carefree and innocent are always so amusing to discuss. We laughed at some of our innocent mistakes.

The time was so slow and relaxing. We were enacting some of our favorite as well as annoying relatives. Everything seemed so perfect. After a long time I was having fun.

Happiness has always been short term for me. When everything is so calm, there is a sign of something bad would follow. And that's what happened! My darling husband, praveen appeared like a storm from nowhere.

He wasn't in good condition as usual. He was in his inebriated state. I looked at the time. It was early than the time he came. " Hey wifey! I bought my friends home. We are having a party. So I want you to prepare something good.", he said in his not so fluent speech due to alcohol. The strong smell of whiskey from his mouth had travelled towards me, making me distance myself away from him.

"It is already late and I am tired. Why don't you prepare it yourself? ", I protested. It was the first time I had ever argued with him.He got furious and shocked at my retaliation. "Do what I say!" , he growled at me. "She will not do it! Go and do it yourself!", Reena argued. He was surprised at his sister supporting me and stomped out of the room without saying much.

(To be continued)

Consensual-part 16

I had accepted his so called fun ways though I wished he would change. It was heartbreaking to know that I still loved him even when he was verbally abusing me. Maybe I was getting immune to it.

I was preparing evening tea for everyone when my sister in law, Reena barged inside. She quickly rushed to her room. She didn’t let anyone see her red face. But I could catch a glimpse of her pain stricken face. I felt she had some emotional breakdown. Thus I followed her to her room.

She was sitting on the floor with her face covered in her hands. I placed my hand on her shoulder, trying to assure her that I was there for her. She looked at me with longing eyes and bursted out crying. I hugged her and consoled her by rubbing her back. “ It’s okay! I am with you. You can share your pain with me.”, I said softly. After taking some long breaths, she spoke, “ I.. I am not going back! I am not going back to his house. I had enough! I can’t stand!”

Reena was married early to a small businessman’s son. My father in law had thought this was the best family he had searched for Reena. But he failed to understand that they were greedy pigs who only wanted his wealth and not her. He had tried to convince them to accept her by sending large amount of cheques to them. But their demand didn’t end there.

Now they were torturing her to bring more. She was right! This was enough. It had to be stopped. I didn’t realise when Ma and father in law had arrived. I was totally into my thoughts of bringing justice to Reena. They were consoling her and asking her to go back. I don’t know where that feminist in me came from. I stood up and said firmly, “ We must end this. You can see that they are hurting her more. We can’t tolerate any more abuses on Reena akka. ( she was a year older to Praveen)” “ But how can we keep her in our house? Dear, we live in a society where we need to adjust to the social norms. No girl can stay with her parents when she is married.”, Ma said. “ It is also wrong for one to close their eyes on such evil happenings. Dowry is a crime. Why do you care about society? Reena’s safety should be our priority. She is not safe there.”, I said

Ma was about to say something when father in law interrupted in between, “ Shruti is right! Dowry is wrong. We cannot keep blind eye to our daughter’s suffering. Reena will stay here. Tomorrow I will file a case against them.”, he said. “ Thanks Shruti!”, Reena said and hugged me tight.  I felt elated for the first time.

(To be continued )

Consensual-part 15

I had already accepted his family as mine within a week . However I could not win his heart. He would hardly be there at home. In one week I had learnt so many things about him… the ones that I didn’t want to hear. Fun and friends were the only part of his life. The word responsibility was alien to him.

He would hang out with his friends from as early as sun rays touches the earth to the wee hours of the night. He was dependent on his dad’s wealth. He was reckless and would spend unnecessarily. I wish I could stop him. But then I never had any right to say that to him. I was never his wife. According to him, this marriage was null.

I hated when he would come home drunk and fall directly on the bed. I would help him with taking his shoes from his feet. Later I would tucked the blanket around him. Then I would make myself comfortable on the sofa. It had become my new bed. It was quite amazing that a woman like me who had slept in luxurious bed was so comfortable in sleeping in three seater sofa.

Every morning I would pray that he would wake up without hurting me with his mean tongue. Unfortunately I would face the brunt of his raging temper. He would taunt me for every possible mistake that I hadn’t done. But I didn’t lose hope and would try hard to impress him.

One fine morning I woke up early to clean his disorganized room. I dusted his desk and cupboard. I folded the dresses properly in his wardrobe and arranged the books in order. I mopped the room. It was spick and span within few hours. I walked to Ma’s room to see if she needed any help. We were in middle of an interesting conversation when all of sudden Praveen screamed out of my name. I ran to the room to see what he needed. My heart was beating with fear that what was going to say. “ What the hell did you do to my room? Who asked you to clean? You are not a freaking maid! Wait a minute ! ( He pressed his hand on his head ) You think this will impress me. God! How many times should I say this? YOU. ARE. NOTHING. TO . ME!”, he hurled at me.

He pulled out his favorite green shirt out of properly folded clothes, making them look disorganized. All my hours of organizing had gone wasted. I sat on his bed with tears bursting out of my eyes.

(To be continued)

Consensual-Part 14

I woke up with my head pounding. The cause of my headache was my sweetheart screaming out my name … not out of love and affection. “Shruti! Get your hand off from me.”, he said, pulling my hand away from him. I hadn’t noticed that my hand was on his chest. I moved my hand with embarrassment.

I quickly got up to face him though I didn't have heart to stand up. His eyes became smaller and the lines formed on the forehead. He was really angry. “ How dare you touch me? You may be wife to the people outside but to me you are just a pain. Don’t you ever touch me.”, he snapped. It pinched my heart although I was aware of the fact he would refuse the fact that I was his wife now.

I stood there for a while to get through the pain. I knew it would be difficult to stay without love from the person who I believed was my life. My soul had accepted him from the time I set my eyes on him. Every day from that day onwards , I had always hoped that one day he would realize my love. This hope still stays stronger with every passing day.

He walked out of the room leaving me alone to my sorrow. After few minutes of being numb, I regained myself back. I refreshed myself and headed towards the kitchen. My mother in law was already there. She had prepared most of the breakfast leaving me with nothing else to do except placing the food and plates on the dining table. I felt guilty for not waking up on time and meekly asked for forgiveness. She politely declined it and said, “ This is your first day at our house, dear. How can I let my beautiful daughter head the kitchen now?.”

“ No Aunty.. I mean Ma! I cannot let you work when I am here. It’s time for you to rest. You have considered me as your daughter and let your daughter assist you.”, I said softly. She hugged me with assurance that I was now a part of their family.

Everyone sat around the dining table. The breakfast was served on their plates. Everyone was there at the breakfast except him. I waited for him before Ma asked me to not to wait for him as he never had any meals with the family. I was sad and doubted my self. Was it because of  me that he was avoiding his family? Was it always going to be like this?

( To be continued)

Consensual-part 13

Wife! I was his wife now. My stomach revolted at the thought of being his wife. Every inch of me disapproved this very fact. Everyone wished us for the new beginning when we were being introduced as official husband and wife to the society in the formal ceremony.I was tired of giving fake smile to world assuring them I was very happy. I stared at him. He was definitely not good at pretending unlike me.

Ah! This was not what I wished for! I had so many dreams about my perfect wedding reception. I always dreamed of having a ballroom dancing at reception just like the one from the movies I used to watch. However my wish was going to remain as a wish forever. The first dance with my husband was only going to be an  imaginary vision.

The night continued with lot of ceremonies that the elders thought was necessary. We were dead tired with only brink of energy left in our body. The only thing that we needed was sleep…. only if that was possible.

We were sent to our room after long hours of rituals and godforsaken things in name of rituals. I wanted to get out of heavy jewelry and sari. Instead of changing, I sat on the bed due to exhaustion. As he freshened up, he stared at me for sometime and angrily took the pillows from the bed. He slept on the three seater sofa which was at the end of the room. His room was neither really big nor it was small. It would have looked spacious if the furniture didn't hinder the space. However I had to accept the room regardless how big or small it was. It was going to be my room for rest of my life if we continued to stay here.

I got ready for the night sleep. I took out the jewelry and wore silk night dress that my cousin thought was appropriate for tonight. Before switching off the lights, I took out large blanket from the bed and covered him. I looked at the way he had innocently curled up on the sofa though his lean body didn’t fit into the small sofa.

I kissed his forehead and sat down. I  wanted to spend the whole night staring at him while he slept well. However my eyes didn't let me stay awake.

(To be continued)

Consensual-Part 12

Marriage binds two persons together. But would it bind us together was big question. To bind two persons, they need to be in love. I was very much in love with him though he hated me.

As I was carried by my uncles to the mantap, I had serious intentions to run away. But those intentions disappeared as my heart was accepting the fate. The rituals began. I stood facing him though I couldn’t see him due to the white cloth that shielded him from my prying eyes. I wanted to see him. I wanted to know what he was going although I knew that he wanted to kill me for the sufferings.

The priest was vomiting out the sacred mantras that he had mugged up for twenty five years. I was engrossed in our thoughts and hardly understood what he spoke. My cousins standing behind me were discussing their plans to how to not make my groom put the garland first on me. It didn’t seem amusing to me. I didn’t care if he put it first. The only thing that concerned me right now was his feelings.

The shield was taken off between us. I could see him clearly at last! I was not happy at the sight. His eyes were red and intoxicated due to lack of sleep and alcohol. His hair was undone and he looked shabby and tired. It looked like as if he had rough night. It made me disgusted.

Who comes intoxicated at their wedding? I know he had been through a lot lately. I also blame myself for his plight. But this! I was so angry at him. I didn’t care what people thought about me. But it would hurt me if they spoke any ill about him or my family.

My cousins lifted me and we won the competition of ‘ who will put the garland first?’ It was obvious that bride team would win as it was impossible to lift an intoxicated person.

The rituals went on and we did as we were told. The wedding ceremony was ending with him inebriatedly tying the sacred necklace to me. I had officially become his wife.

( To be continued)

Consensual -part 11

Every girl dreams of a fairytale wedding. Even I had one where I am walking on the aisle that would lead me to the my destiny-my prince charming. He is looking at me with unconditional love and promise to make me his beloved for rest of his life.

But dream is a bed of fresh roses that fade during the dusk. Marriage had become a nightmare to me. Every morning I woke up with a fear that I was going to be tied with grief and pain. I had to accept them. The misery was going to be permanent scar on my life.

The celebrations at home was constant reminder of my future dreadful life. I was feeling bitter and cold most of the time. I tried to cheer myself by fully immersing into the activities. But the pain didn’t leave me. I would cry alone during nights when people were fast asleep.

Love had become poisonous to me. I would call him everyday with hope that he understood what I was going through. Well! We get to know the true nature of people during difficult times. He never picked up my call. He would either let it ring or disconnect the call. This would leave me miserable and lonely.

As days passed, I stopped calling him. I would try to find places where I could alone with my thoughts. But being alone is also a curse. I was in a situation where I couldn't share anything with anyone.

The day had arrived. Everything was running smoothly. I tried to look my best in the maroon wedding dress. I had every piece of jewellery on my body though I protested first when my mum put them on me. I was hating it. Why was I getting ready? Why do I need to look pretty? Anyway he would not look at me. Why would he want to in first place, look at the person who had turned his life upside down?

( To be continued)

Consensual-part 10

It hurts when you know the ending of your story is going to turn out sour. The person I wanted to lead my life with ,didn't want me. He was more than annoyed with me. My family was annoyed with me. Few of my friends pitied my conditions and other few of them mocked at me. Marriage became a nightmare that I wanted to get away from. But I couldn’t. Did I have any choice?  I had become slave of my emotions

Falling in love had become a sin for which I was paying huge. I wanted to rip my heart out and take that emotions out. I wanted to be cold. Unfortunately it was impossible task. Love has so many colours. One of them is blue and it is painful.

I thought our wedding was going to be small affair with us getting registered married. But it was other way round.  I had become used to unexpected happenings. Though family weren’t happy with sudden plans, but they got together. The house was in full swing of preparation for wedding. Everyone were busy with the wedding plan. There were few ceremonies that was going to take place before wedding. Elders made it mandatory to have all sorts of ceremonies. However after all the protests and discussions, they stuck with few events.

As official announcement to people, we were engaged in front of few people. It was quite solemn event. No one was really happy except few of them. His smile had disappeared from his face. I felt so guilty for taking away the brightness from his life. I wish I could do something to bring back that smile that had stolen my heart.

We exchanged rings. He put the ring onto my finger with bored expression or I could say as if he was forced. I didn’t let my tears out though I badly wanted. I wished I could free him. But I was bounded too into this fruitless relationship.Our families were too traditional to ask our opinion before binding us together.

I put the ring onto his finger too quick. I wanted to get over with soon. We were engaged in front of the people. But we were two separate individuals to each other with different needs in life. One small incident  had changed our lives with span of minutes. We had two weeks left for our wedding. I hoped that day never came.

(To be continued)

Consensual - part 9

I had to meet him. I had to know what was going on in his mind. What was he feeling right now? But how will I meet him? I was not allowed to go out. I could call him. But would he come?

I fought the urge to call him. As usual I lost. I called him through one of my maid's cell phone ( I had indiscreetly bribed her with one of my favorite vintage perfume).

I dialled his number hurriedly. I checked it twice to see if it was the right number. It was ringing. He hadn't picked up. After few rings, he picked it up. His voice from other side of the call calmed my heart.

"Hi! How are you? I am sorry about all this. I know how you must be feeling,..", I said but he didn't allow me to complete my sentence. " You don't understand anything about my feelings. So stop the crap! I was sweet to you and it was my mistake. You don't have to feel sorry.", he said, pinching my heart with his mean words.

"I am sorry! I didn't want to hurt you. I never intended for all this to happen.", I cried. "Your sorry cannot change anything. What happend has already happened. You crying for this is of no use.", he said. He was right. It was of no use crying.

"If you are done talking, can I leave? I have work to do. Bye!", he said and cut the call. I was left alone again with pain and grief. I had learnt something- this marriage was going to be a big disaster.

(To be continued)